How to Talk Dirty

The Ultimate Guide To Improve Couple’s Sex Life Through Dirty Talking, Role Playing, Sexting & Much More. Learn To Have Great Sex, Make It Wilder & Mind-blowing. (500+ Examples)

by

Marissa Foster and Christian Murray

© Copyright 2019 by Marissa Foster - All rights reserved.

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Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: Why Should I Talk Dirty?

Benefits of Talking Dirty

Why People Like It

Chapter 2: Psychological Triggers

Sex and Your Brain

Differences in the male and female brains

Why does it have to be dirty?

Bottom line

Chapter 3: How to Introduce It to Your Partner

Step-by-Step Guide to Get Your Partner Onboard

Take it slowly

Build on the previous momentum

Find out their preference

Be authentic

Sexual aggressiveness is optional

How to Overcome Shyness

Have a heart-to-heart chat with your partner

Use sounds

Use short phrases

Move on to descriptive phrases

Use text messages

Chapter 4: General Rules

The Contents of Your Naughty Phrases

Setting Personal Boundaries

Go over what is comfortable

Profanity is not compulsory

Don’t be afraid to check in

The type of relationship matters

Timing and frequency

Derogatory terms should be used only in private

Keep information strictly private

Chapter 5: Examples

Beginner Level

For ladies (what your man wants to hear)

For men (what your woman wants to hear)

Intermediate

For ladies (what your man wants to hear)

For men (what your woman wants to hear)

Advance Level

For ladies (what your man wants to hear)

For men (what your woman wants to hear)

Pre-Sex Dirty Talks

Post-Sex Dirty Talk

Dirty Compliments That Can Lead to Sex

Dirty Talk in Public

Chapter 6: Role-Playing

The Process

Bring up your mutual sexual fantasies

Dress the part if you wish

Make It kinky if you wish

Start slow

Let your character use dirty words

Sexual Roleplay Ideas

Chapter 7: Common Mistakes

Avoid These Dirty Talk Mistakes

Going full steam ahead

Talking non-stop

Too much profanity

Laughing at your partner’s remark

Shaming your partner’s body parts or degrading their performance

Being tentative

Being repetitive

Forcing it

Giving up too soon

Dismissing the use of protection

Chapter 8: Phone Sex

Sex on Call

The process

Sex on video call

Sexting

Beginner sexting examples

Advance sexting examples

Creative sexting examples

The Use of Photos

Sext with photo examples

Chapter 9: Practice

Exercise 1: Build a List of “Safe Erotic Phrases”

Exercise 2: Make an “Off-Limits” List

Exercise 3: Working Your Way Up to “Dirty” Words

Exercise 4: Sound and Whispers

Exercise 5: Stay in Character

Exercise 6: Rehearse and Record

Exercise 7: Codify Your Sex Talk

Exercise 8: Dirty Talks Just for Fun

Extra Tips to Help a Shy Partner Open to Erotic Talk

Encourage them to text it

Tailor it to what he or she likes

Kiss and whisper

Only say plausible things

Chapter 10: Keep the Fire

Be playful about it

Reminisce

Taunt your partner

Describe what currently feels good

Add a sense of urgency

Don’t be afraid to explore

Use appropriate terminologies

Conclusion

References

Introduction

The idea of talking dirty can feel very uncomfortable, ridiculous, and embarrassing for many people. It feels like they are opening themselves up to a level of vulnerability to which they are not comfortable. Some people don’t have the slightest clue how to talk dirty even though they like the idea and have been fantasizing about talking dirty. And for others, the closest they have ever gotten to dirty talk is pillow talk.

There is a world of difference between pillow talk and dirty talk. Pillow talk may or may not lead to sex and usually doesn’t take place during sex. It happens before or after sex and focuses on emotional intimacy. Dirty talk, on the other hand, is raunchy, sexually charged, sexually explicit, and more focused on enhancing the act of sex.

Discussing the things you like about your partner, sharing your dreams, fears, and special memories (which are all examples of pillow talk) can make couples feel very close. Still, people can be emotionally intimate, yet have boring sex. To up your physical intimacy game, you need to say and hear the things that step you up from being emotionally intimate with your partner to feel like devouring them in bed! Dirty talk allows you to freely express yourself to your sexual partner – telling them what you want and also learning what they fantasize about or prefer.

The feeling of love is essential in relationships, but most people don’t just want to feel loved. They want to feel wanted, desired, and lusted after. Dirty talk brings all that feeling to life. Spicing up your romantic or sexual relationship doesn’t have to be hard work. You don’t need extra tools and props to make your sex life more exciting. You already possess all the essential tools to turn up the passion in your sexual relationship. Vocalizing what you want and what you want to do is one of those tools. If done correctly, dirty talk can even be more exciting than the actual act of physical sex. One of the biggest challenges for many people is bypassing their conception of dirty talk. After all, what good can there be in something gross, filthy, and even profane? Perhaps, a simple way to overcome the idea of “dirty” would be to tweak the term “dirty talk” to read “the power of words.” Think of this book as a guide to using the power of words to spice up your sex life.

This book contains practical tips and examples you can begin to use right away to improve your sex life. The suggestions in this book will make you look forward to having sex with your partner no matter how boring sex has been for you in the past. Exciting sex or what people describe as great sex is not exclusively reserved for some select few individuals. Each of us (normal, healthy adults) have the innate ability to enjoy great sex if only we permit ourselves. And it begins with setting our minds free from several years of incorrect mental conditioning about sex. Once you break free from the stronghold of your preconceived notions regarding sex, verbalizing your desires will follow naturally.

It is my firm hope that by the end of this book, you will find the inner strength and muster the courage to free your mind from unhelpful conceptions about dirty talk before, during, and after sex. Talking dirty doesn’t make you profane; neither does it erode your sense of sexual purity or morality. Instead, it helps to increase the passion in your relationship and removes any pretense that you may have about self-expression as it relates to sex and sexual fantasies.

Get ready to experience a different level of sexual pleasure and excitement as you deliberately apply what you learn from this book.

Chapter 1: Why Should I Talk Dirty?

Hush! Turn off the lights, go under the sheets, hump for a few minutes, muffle the moans, and climax (mostly for the man). That is the experience of sex for many people. Worst still, this experience is repeated over and over again for the better part of their adult lives. So, when they think of sex, they imagine an unexciting activity that is mostly one-sided. They have sex out of necessity instead of from the sheer pleasure of exploring their sensuality and that of their partner.

But all this can change by tweaking one aspect of sex: talking dirty! The idea of introducing dirty talk into sex encounters can be difficult for people who approach sex as a solemn or formal activity. The reason for this is obvious: Their upbringing or set of beliefs about sex does not permit them to think it is okay to engage in dirty talking. However, no matter how restrictive an individual’s set of beliefs are, if they want to engage in pleasurable sex, it is necessary to let their guard down. Dirty talk is one way to let loose and enjoy all the pleasures that you can get from sex and sexual activities.

To some extent, many people engage in what I like to call, “default one-line” dirty talk. And that is announcing when they are about to climax, “I’m coming!” It’s okay if that is your go-to line for now. But I’d like you to recall the brief moments that you say those words and the reaction of your partner. If your partner is like most people, they will hold you tight, tense their muscles, or move their body in ways that suggest they are a bit more sexually excited than before. Now, imagine what their reactions would be if you go beyond the default on-line dirty talk. And better still, picture what height of pleasure both of you can experience if you both talk dirty before, during, and after sex.

By the end of this book, you will have learned everything you need to know about increasing sexual enjoyment. You will have learned what it takes to let out the words that ring in your head during sex.

Benefits of Talking Dirty

Okay, aside from enjoying the pleasures of sex, what other things do you stand to gain from dirty talk? There are quite a lot of benefits that come with talking dirty that may not be obvious to those who do not practice it.

First of all, understand that a sexual relationship between two consenting adults has its ups and downs. For example, marriage is meant to be the happy union of two adults who love and support each other. However, many marriages are either not as the individuals expected them to be or are on the verge of a divorce. One of the major reasons for the unhappiness and misunderstandings in marriages is the communication gap between couples. And nothing widens the communication gap in marriages more than a lack of physical and emotional intimacy. And often those intimacies are connected as the quality of emotional intimacy can quickly deteriorate if physical intimacy is always a boring routine.

The closer couples get physically, the easier they can communicate their concerns, fears, worries, doubts, and hopes to each other. Sex is one of the natural ways physical intimacy can be greatly improved between couples. If you make sex great, exciting, and a fun activity you and your partner look forward to you both automatically improving your physical and emotional closeness. You also improve the quality of your communication. If you can freely tell your partner how you want to be pleasured and what you want to do to them sexually, it will be a lot easier to share with them whatever other concerns you have in life and in the relationship.

Now that you get the general idea of it, let’s go into a bit more detail about all the reasons you should consider including dirty talk into your sexual relationship.

1.  It allows you to communicate what you want: Saying what you want during sex is vital for your enjoyment. Telling your partner how much you enjoy what they are doing when they are doing it will encourage them to do it more. “I love it when you do that,” tells your partner to keep doing whatever it is they are doing. Sitting down to discuss or have a conversation about what your sexual preferences are can take away the fun and spontaneity from sex. But dirty talk can communicate the same preferences without making as big of an issue out of it as it would be in a normal conversation.

2. It helps your partner to know what’s on your mind: Not many people can read minds. Your partner may be giving their all but doing all the wrong things and still thinking they are giving you pleasure. If you don’t speak up, they probably won’t know. Sex, for many people, is a riddle that they can’t solve. What does he mean by that facial expression? Is that moaning a good sign or a bad one? Does she want me to continue doing that or what? Instead of enjoying the act, many people spend time guessing what the other person wants because they are not saying what’s on their mind. You can start with things like, “Come up a bit. No, to the left. Apply a bit more pressure.” These may not be dirty talks but it’s a start. If you can break the silence and tell each other what you’ll prefer and exactly how you want it, saying how good it makes you feel can easily follow. For example, “No, to the left. That’s the spot! It feels so good when you stroke it like that.”

3. It strengthens your connection: Vocalizing your sexual fantasies and desires requires a lot of trust in the other person. Sharing something that can be potentially embarrassing is letting your partner know that you are not afraid to be vulnerable with them. It shows them that you trust them enough to share your intimate thoughts with them. Doing this can make your connection to your partner stronger.

4. It’s great foreplay: Foreplay is essential for arousal especially in women. It takes a comparatively long time for women to get sexually turned on than it does for men. As a result, the more varied you can make foreplay, the sexier a woman feels, and the wilder the sex. Dirty talk is another level of foreplay that can turn women (and men) on even before making any physical contact.

5. It’s foreplay for anywhere and anytime: You can talk dirty all day even when you are miles apart. Texts, phone calls, and photos can be used to keep the mind stimulated and ready for physical sex throughout the day. A short text such as “Can’t wait to get a feel of your sexy body,” can keep your partner in the mood throughout the day.

6. It reignites your passion: If you have been in a relationship with someone for a while, it is unrealistic to think that the level of lust you once had for them will continue to remain unwaveringly strong throughout your relationship. Love and lust in a sexual relationship can last forever but not without some work. Those feelings can decline with time, but you can reignite them with dirty talk. So, if it feels like your sex life has become one dreary, predictable script, spice it up with some dirty talks.

7. It keeps your juices flowing: Yes, both your sexual juices and creative juices flow better with dirty talk. Instead of being stuck in your sexual imaginations, you can vocalize the pictures in your head. The more you describe what you want to do, the better your creativity gets. Who knows, you may even act out those fantasies.

8. It improves your self-confidence: Attempting something as challenging as dirty talk can help to boost your self-confidence. And your confidence will not just be limited to the bedroom, but it will also rub off on other aspects of your life. Try to remember the first time you fell deeply in love with someone new. Your whole body felt lighter, there was an invisible spring that carried you effortlessly when you walked, and you approached almost all your tasks as if they were all easy. You were not afraid to face anything because of how you felt inwardly. That is the power of self-confidence. And you can get a good dose of it by overcoming your shyness in the bedroom.

9. Lessens performance pressure: Leaving your partner clueless during sex can lead to the annoying and self-conscious question, “Am I doing it right?” Your partner may retort in their head, “Just shut up and get this over with!” There is nothing wrong if your partner checks in to know if you are comfortable with something they are doing. But when it becomes too frequent, it is usually an indication of performance pressure. It shows that your partner doesn’t know whether they are doing what you want or not. It also shows that they are trying to please you instead of enjoying themselves while pleasuring you. But when both of you learn to vocalize your desires and are willing to understand each other’s sexual preferences, it takes away the pressure of performance and makes you both relax into the moment.

10. It creates better sex and new experiences: Of course, with all the benefits listed above, it is only logical that talking dirty leads to better sex. Since there are hardly any secrets between the couple (at least regarding sex), it is easier to let go and enjoy better sex. But besides the great intercourse, it can also lead to trying out new things such as toys, new sex positions, role-playing, and fun things you never imagined you were capable of. Of course, not everyone wants to switch into kinky sex, but regardless of how modest you are, talking dirty gives you more room to vary your sexual experiences to make them wilder and more mind-blowing.

Why People Like It

Silent sex is boring! There is hardly any sexual activity without words and images popping into the mind. Vocalizing what goes on in the mind creates more excitement than keeping mute. Without words, it is like being physically present with your partner but mentally absent.

Why both men and women like dirty talk has a lot to do with how the human brain functions. In the next chapter, I’ll briefly explain how that works. Everyone who engages in sex likes to be pleasured in a way that deeply satisfies their bodily needs. Being able to say exactly how that need should be satisfied and hearing how your partner wants theirs to be met can turn both of you on.

Besides, there is a part of us that silently seeks some teeny-tiny bit of “sexual taboo” so to speak. Irrespective of our decent outward behavior, it is human nature to crave something that is considered inappropriate. I am not suggesting that you act in ways that are against your personal values. I am only stating the obvious: Humans have so-called “dark” sides that need attention once in a while. Society tends to classify wild sex as dark, evil, and immoral, yet we inherently seek that experience even if our upbringing and environment go against it.

Generally, a woman prefers a man who can at least tell her how desirous her body is during intercourse than a man who talks only in his head. She prefers to hear words that describe how great her actions make the man feel to hearing only heavy breaths and grunts that signify ejaculation.

Some people, mostly women, become so self-conscious that they find it difficult to remain mentally present during sex. They are worried about their nakedness or the shape of their body parts. Talking dirty keeps their attention rooted in the moment. When the man says, “I love kissing your hard nipples,” for example, it automatically draws the woman’s attention to her nipples and makes her feel the sensation in that part of her body.

On the other hand, a man is generally turned on by a confident woman. A woman who can boldly say what she’s going to do to him, or who wants to know how he prefers to be treated sexually, is confident. When a woman begs during sex, it boosts the man’s ego and can make him last longer, perform more passionately, and do what she wants and desires.

Curse words and profanity may be viewed as offensive and an uncultured way of communication. But inside the bedroom and in the context of sexual relations, it could be a turn on depending on what the individuals prefer.

The idea that dirty talk is for perverts is absolutely incorrect. There is nothing wrong with wanting a heightened sexual experience or vocalizing what’s on your mind. Men love to hear women please and tease them verbally, and women love to hear men appreciate their bodies and sexuality. These are all perfectly healthy things to desire and practice. Talking dirty is all about sex – and there’s nothing wrong with sex between two consenting adults. In any case, sex is supposed to be erotic, dirty, and even filthy, but most importantly, sex is meant to be fun. There is no reason that sex talks should be limited to only “appropriate” and “morally correct” words or phrases.

Talking dirty is about filling in the blanks by two people engaged in sex or foreplay. For example, one person says, “I like it when you (….)” and the other person says, “I love your (….)” When two people do the dirty talking, it gets crazier with each exchange and their sex experience intensifies accordingly.

The bottom line is this: If the only sounds you can hear during sex are the creak of the bed, the sound of your bodies rubbing against each other, and deep breaths, you are leaving out a vital piece of the fun. You should be hearing words of appreciation, commands, pleas, and so on, coupled with those moans and sighs of deep satisfaction.

Chapter 2: Psychological Triggers

Many people think that for sex to be great, they must be able to “perform” for long periods at a stretch. While that may be true for some people, lasting long during sexual intercourse does not guarantee great sex. What makes sex a great and pleasurable experience is the ability to use your most important sex organ effectively.

The most important sex organ I am referring to is not what you have between your legs. Instead, I am referring to what sits on your shoulders. The most important sex organ in the human body is the brain or the mind. If the mind is already sexually aroused, even the briefest physical contact will yield intense pleasure. But if the mind is numb and not attuned to sex, the best sex positions will do little to give the individual pleasure. For some people, especially women, when their mind is not properly stimulated, sex is an unpleasant activity – a boring chore – and the longer it lasts, the more resentment they may feel for their partner. In most cases, the man may easily tune into sex by stimulating his genitals but touching a woman sexually or having sex with her when she is not mentally ready may get her thinking, “Just get this over already!”

Using naughty languages isn’t just about words. Instead, it is about how you use those words to stimulate sexual desire in your partner. You can’t just walk up to a lady and say, “I have an erection,” and then expect her to want to have sex with you. You definitely don’t expect to get into bed with a guy just because you told them to have sex with you. Getting your partner turned on sexually will require that you set the mood, build sexual tension throughout the day, and paint a vivid picture in their minds that will make them want you badly.

In order to use words as foreplay, you should not limit dirty talk to your sex sessions. Take it outside the bedroom. Be inside your partner’s head throughout the day and they’ll be much more eager to get under the sheets with you. In other words, you must understand the psychology behind dirty talking to use it effectively.

Sex and Your Brain

Sex begins in the brain, which is why you need to stimulate it before any other sex organ. As a result, if you’re stressed out, unhappy, extremely sad, or have something eating you up, it is unlikely that you will want to have sex. Your brain needs to be put in the mood for sex first before your body will follow suit.

But since the brain is not an external organ that can be stimulated with physical touch or smooching, it takes words that can stimulate images on the screen of the mind to turn it on sexually. When you hear descriptive words spoken in suggestive tones, they trigger the parts of your brain that are linked to sexual pleasure. Although you may consider some of the words as vulgar in normal situations, the sexual mood changes your perception of those words.

For example, you may not be a verbally expressive person when it comes to describing your partner’s body. But during sex, especially as you approach orgasm, you seem to let down your guard just a bit and say unconventional things you wouldn’t say in your everyday life. “Ride me hard, you stallion,” could slip out of a reserved and shy lady because she is close to orgasm. A 2005 study by the National Center for Biotechnology Information, gives insight into this explaining that orgasms releases a chemical into your body known as oxytocin. It is the hormone responsible for decreasing stress levels in your body (National Center for Biotechnology Information, 2005). In other words, when your stress level is low, you are likely to let go of any inhibitions and verbalize your thoughts freely. It is not surprising, therefore, to find people who would normally not use filthy languages say dirty things as they climax. These words have been on the tip of their tongues, but everyday stress keeps them from expressing themselves. When the stress level is lowered, the words flow freely.

Sex drive stems from the part of the brain known as the hypothalamus. It is the part of the brain that produces testosterone – the sex hormone. When you hear dirty, sexy, and erotic words, it activates your hypothalamus which stimulates your testosterone and sets you in the mood for sexual pleasure. Whispering, moaning, or groaning in sexual ecstasy can cause the release of neurochemicals that turn on both men and women.

Differences in the male and female brains

Although both men and women have testosterone, it is higher in men due to the larger size of the male’s hypothalamus. What it means is that men are likely to get more sexually aroused than women and are more likely to initiate sex than women. In other words, it’s easier for dirty words to stimulate the man than the woman. A simple, “Hit me hard, baby” can make a man picture all sorts of scenarios with a woman. However, a woman will need a bit more than that. Her psychological and physiological makeup requires that extra effort is used to stimulate her.

Understanding this will help you to use dirty words with your woman throughout the day, long before sexual intercourse takes place. Inserting little filthy or suggestive words in your regular conversations, phone calls, text messages, and chitchats will go a long way to stimulate her brain and put her in the mood to experience wild sex.

Why does it have to be dirty?

Can’t we just say something appropriate, loving, and kind such as, “I love you”? Loving words too can turn people on, right? Must it be something filthy, derogatory, and even debasing (especially to women)? Why would normal human beings derive pleasure from being called demeaning names such as “slut,” “whore,” and even “bitch”?

Well, first of all, there is nothing wrong with expressing deep feelings of love to your partner using loving, kind, and “appropriate” words. However, kind words sometimes don’t make the right type of impact we truly want. And most times, loving words are regarded as pillow talk not dirty talk.

Consider these two examples:

1.  “Let’s make love.”

2. “Smash this little pussy like you fucking own it.”

These are essentially the same statement, but the second statement is an expression of something deep down in the dark recesses of the person making the statement. It is an indication of reckless abandon - no inhibition, restriction, or self-consciousness. It is an uncensored expression of someone who is nonjudgmental (at least in the heat of the moment).

But here’s the real reason humans prefer using dirty words. It gives us some level of mental and emotional release. Similar areas of our brains are activated when we curse and when we talk dirty. So, the dirtier the word is to our brains, the better we feel. It is like yelling curse words at someone who does something to annoy you. You haven’t physically retaliated, but it feels good to say the words and get it off your chest. Saying something like, “I feel bad because you ruined my chances,” isn’t as emotionally liberating (for many people) as saying, “God damn it! You ruined my chances, you moron!” That is the process of mental and emotional release. The same process applies when verbalizing sexual intents and desires. The more you can say exactly what you want without censorship, the better you will feel.

Bottom line

Words – dirty words – have the type of effect on the brain that sensual touch has on our genitals. Talking dirty helps your brain releases all the chemicals your body needs to be in a heightened state of ecstasy. In effect, talking dirty creates ecstasy both in the mind and body. In some cases, dirty talk can make a person very aroused, even to the point of orgasm without any physical touch or genital stimulation. That’s how powerful being naughty with words can be. All these explanations translate into better sex and possibly a better relationship with your partner.

Talking dirty works so well because it targets the parts of the brain that control sexual pleasure. It satisfies our innate desire for intimate conversations and a deep need to express lust. Most importantly, it is arousal through suggestions. For the human brain, a suggestion can have the same powerful effect as physical action.

Chapter 3: How to Introduce It to Your Partner

A lot of people want to introduce more fun and excitement in their sexual relationships, and that’s okay. However, if done incorrectly, it can backfire. It is not enough to want things to change in the bedroom. How you introduce the change can be the difference between acceptance and rejection.

Now that we have seen the benefits of dirty talk and how our psychological makeup supports it, let us consider how to safely introduce it to your partner. This process is particularly vital for several reasons. It could be that:

●     Neither of you has tried talking dirty before.

●     Your partner is the sexually reserved type.

●     Everyday pressure has eroded the sexual passion you both shared when you were younger lovers.

Whatever the case, learning to safely introduce or reintroduce dirty talks into your relationship is not rocket science. However, since personal values or boundaries are involved, emotions and feelings can get out of hand, and moods can suddenly be ruined, it is crucial to approach it carefully.

Step-by-Step Guide to Get Your Partner Onboard

Take it slowly

You don’t have to kick off with extremely graphic or explicit phrases. You may gross out your partner if you come off too strong right away. Worse still, a sudden change in your sexual behavior may cause your partner to think that you are having an affair. Take things slowly. Start by teasing your partner with milder words that are suggestive. For example, “You look so sexy tonight.” The Beginner section in Chapter 5 of this book contains a list of simple but sexy phrases you can select from. Start from there and gradually work your way up to more audacious forms of sexual expressions. But be sure to gauge your partner’s receptivity at all times. Bombarding them with successive filthy phrases can spook them.

Build on the previous momentum

It is always better to start your dirty talk from the bedroom (unless if you are extremely shy). Let your partner get used to hearing you say naughty things them before you start texting it to them when they are at work or not with you. Think of how strange it would feel if someone you’ve dated for long or someone you’ve been married to for long suddenly sends you a raunchy text when they can’t even say a single sexy word in the bedroom. Strange right? Even if you are too shy to start practicing your sex talks face-to-face, you can be extra flirty with your partner in the bedroom, moan more, and generally show them that you are breaking out from your shy self. At this point, it won’t be too strange if you follow up by texting them something freaky the next day.

The bottom line is to get them to see you in a different light in a familiar setting, and then build on that momentum. The next step is to keep flirting with them outside the bedroom, during conversations, through texts, and even phone calls. You don’t have to use vulgar words or any profanity when flirting with them. Simply use suggestive words or body language. It won’t be long before you’ll discover that they are open to slight obscenity. If you are feeling very confident, you can make more bold moves like whispering something very naughty in their ears in a public place. For example, softly whisper to them to meet you in the bathroom of a restaurant. Or discretely hand them your undies and say, “I’ll be in the bathroom… waiting.” You may not have used any profanity, yet you have delivered a very dirty message!

Find out their preference

What does your partner want when it comes to sex talk? Unfortunately, there is no way to know this without testing different things or by simply asking them (if you want to be more daring). Some partners prefer a mixture of innocence and obscenity. For example, they may be turned on when you say, “I’ve been fantasizing about you inside me all day, but I’m too shy to let it show.” This usually indicates that such a partner prefers to assume the dominant role during sex. If that is the case, you will have to take the submissive role. Other partners prefer extremely raunchy phrases such as, “Come give it to me like a sex-starved creature!” This type of partner may be better at assuming the submissive role or a neutral role. They are open to receiving suggestions from you.

It is also important to adapt your sex talk to suit things that your partner fantasizes about, their hobbies, their work, or even recent happenings in both of your lives. For example, if your partner plays the guitar or is an artist, you could use that in your sex talk and say something like, “Come play me like your favorite notes on the guitar,” or “Use your moist lips to paint all over my body.” If they just made some huge profit, closed a major deal, or got promoted at work, you could say something like, “Fuck me like the richest dude/chick on the block,” “Make love to me like a (new position) would,” or, “Show me how a successful agent makes love.”

Take time to discover what your partner’s sex talk preferences are and work out something that suits both of you.

Be authentic

Perhaps this is one of the most vital attitudes that can help your partner accept dirty talk. Dirty talk is all about responding to inner or external sexual stimuli. Think of it as reacting instead of acting. You are reacting or responding to something that you genuinely feel. In its basic form, dirty talk is a verbal expression of your natural, confident, and most free sexual self. If you approach erotic or sex talk from this perspective, it becomes easy to be yourself and vocalize what truly represents your authentic self. Putting up an act is a surefire way to kill your partner’s mood (unless you are a good actor/actress). Say only the things you feel, want, and are comfortable with. If you feel like making passionate love, say it freely. And say it as if you want it badly. Use whatever phrase (suggestive or profane) you think will convey exactly how you feel within.

For example:

●     I want you to have sex with me like you’ve never before.

●     I want you to make passionate love to me.

●     I want you to fuck me like your little bitch.

You don’t have to say things you find uncomfortable because that will sound very unnatural and can quickly turn off your partner. However, since you are introducing or reintroducing dirty talk to your partner, it is better to heed to the advice at the beginning of this chapter and start slowly with milder phrases.

Sexual aggressiveness is optional

You don’t have to be sexually aggressive to turn your partner on; nor do you have to be bawdy with words to get your partner in the mood for passionate sex. If your partner enjoys sexual aggression, it is okay to tread that path and use stronger words they find comfortable. However, you should generally not assume that they will love gross language because they tend to be aggressive in bed. Start with milder words and gauge their response. Their reactions will tell you if they are open to more obscene phrases.

Having a one-night stand is not the same as intercourse for couples in long-term relationships. A partner you met in a bar or at a wild party may not mind putting up with extreme vulgar talks and sexual aggressiveness. After all, they’ll be rid of you in a couple of minutes or hours. But for a long-term partner, it is crucial to take things bit by bit until you discover the peak of their tolerance level.

How to Overcome Shyness

If you are an extremely shy person, or you tend to be reserved when it comes to sexual expression, it may be a bit tricky to put your deepest sexual feelings into words. But you are not alone. Even extroverts tend to find it challenging expressing their sexual desires to other people regardless of how long they’ve been with their partners.

Here are some quick suggestions that you will find useful in helping you overcome shyness and saying what’s on your mind during foreplay and sex.

Have a heart-to-heart chat with your partner

Your partner is likely to love and respect you more if you are upfront about your desire to spice up your sex life. You simply need to take the first step of telling them that you wish you could be more forthcoming with words during sex, but you are shy and apprehensive about the idea. Get your partner’s support so that both of you can take the chance to experiment without fear, guilt, or shame. You can use this chat to discover what both of you like and don’t like and set boundaries.

Taking this initial step will remove a large part of the anxiety and apprehension you have about dirty talk. However, it doesn’t turn you into a daring gross talker overnight. You still need to open your mouth and allow the words to fall out without hesitation. If you find fear, guilt, or shame holding you back, remember that you have your partner’s loving support. Take a deep breath and let yourself go. Allow yourself to connect with your emotions and desire and freely express them verbally even if it means whispering your words. Don’t let fear hold you back from making yourself seen and loved just the way you are without censorship.

Breaking through the first hurdle is the most crucial aspect. Once you are over it, you will open yourself to heights of sexual intimacy and ecstasy you never knew existed. Also, you will increase your self-confidence in almost every aspect of your life and your relationship will be better for it.

Use sounds

You can ease into talking dirty by using moaning sounds (oohhh, ahhh, yesss, mmm, ugghh, and so on). Get confident in using sound to show you are present with your partner in the heat of the moment. When you are comfortable with letting yourself be more verbal with moaning sounds, you can start to whisper incoherent words and phrases in your partner’s ear. They don’t have to make sense of what you are saying. The mere act of saying something – anything – in their ears during sex or foreplay is enough to heighten their sense of sexual pleasure.

Use short phrases

Trying to string together a long sentence may be a lot difficult for you if you are a shy person or if you are new to dirty talk. Stick with one-liners or short phrases. For example: harder, slower, faster, deeper, don’t stop, keep going, and so on. These are all simple phrases that may not be vulgar or explicit but can increase sexual enjoyment. You can also think of short phrases to use for foreplay such as, “I need you now,” “Touch me softly,” “Hold me tight,” “Tonight, I’m all yours,” and so on.

Move on to descriptive phrases

Once you have built your confidence level, you can move on to descriptive phrases that tell your partner what you feel, what you want from them, or what you want to do to them. For example, “It feels so good when you do that,” “I enjoy pleasing you,” “I love how you kiss me passionately,” “I wish we would never stop,” “I want your lips all over my body,” or, “I want to melt into you.”

Again, there is no need to rush into these things or try to use all forms of dirty talk in one or a few intercourses. There is plenty of time and opportunities that you can explore, adjust, and improve your skills. To even help you better overcome your shyness, do not limit your erotic talks to only during sex. You’ve got the entire day to practice and keep your partner in the mood to have sex. Keep in mind that dirty talk must not always result in sexual intercourse. You can talk dirty just for the fun of it.

Use text messages

If you are extremely shy and can’t seem to bring yourself to even moan out load, even though you like the idea of talking dirty, test the waters by sending sexy text messages to your partner. Since they are not face-to-face with you, it will be a bit easier to express yourself. Press send as soon as you finish composing your message, before fear, doubt, and your over-modest side gets the better of you.

You will gradually gain enough confidence to say these words to your partner face-to-face once you see that they like your text message.

Chapter 4: General Rules

Not everyone is comfortable with dirty talk. It is crucial to understand people’s boundaries and respect them. It is also vital to let your partner know and respect your boundaries. Even if you both agree to spice up your bedroom experience with naughty talks and chitchats, it is necessary to define what is comfortable for you both and want is off-limits.

This chapter will help you and your partner to define exactly how filthy you want to get with words. But before then, let us examine what makes up the contents of naughty phrases.

The Contents of Your Naughty Phrases

Talking dirty doesn’t necessarily mean spewing a string of vulgar words. Instead, it is using words in ways that say, “I am unashamed to let my true feelings show.” Of course, a lot of the times curse words or bad language allows us to create the impact we want. But that doesn’t mean everything that comes out of your mouth in the form of dirty talk must be crude. For example, “I can’t wait to stroke, kiss, suck, and choke on your huge penis.” Or, “I want to nibble on your hard nipples and bury my face between your warm thighs.” These phrases may not contain curse words but whispering them in your partner’s ear can get them sexually aroused in no time. Remember that the goal is to heighten sexual arousal and not just a show of how well you can use profanity.

When you talk dirty, let your words reflect one or more of the following:

1.  Appreciation for your partner: Complement your partner’s body parts, their looks, their sexiness, and how good you think they are at whatever it is they are doing to you or even to themselves. For example, “You sexy goddess,” “I totally adore your big cock,” “You’re so good with your tongue,” or, “I can stare at your tits all day!”

Of course, you can include curse words when showing your appreciation. For example, “You’re so fucking good,” “You nice little slut,” or, “I love what you do to me with that damn dick of yours.”

No matter what the words you use for showing your appreciation of your partner, the bottom line is that it is simply another way of saying to them, “I love you.” But let your words and how you say them convey to your partner that you are stepping out of the “conventional, socially acceptable, and appropriate” way of showing appreciation. Let them hear and feel the uncensored version of the everyday “I love you” phrase that comes from the deepest parts of your being. And if curse words are what help you to express that deepest feeling better, go for it!

2. Describe how you feel: What is your partner doing to you? How are they touching you? What sensation do you feel as they touch you? What parts of your body do you feel the sensation? Do you feel like exploding, screaming, bursting into tears, melting into them, or very relaxed? Don’t keep these feelings locked up inside your head; go ahead and share them with your partner. For example, “I feel like coming when you stroke me that way,” “Keep doing that baby, it feels so good,” “Ummm… that’s the spot,” or, “I love your warm breath on my clit.”

Describing how you feel has the following impacts:

●     It tells your partner that you are enjoying what they are doing.

●     It saves them the headache of guessing what you want and don’t want.

●     They can easily tune into you sexually by doing those things you enjoy.

●     You get to connect and intensify your sexual feelings by simply describing them to your partner.

●     You allow your partner to help you explore hidden parts of your sexuality that you may not have known to exist.

3. Describe what you want to do to your partner: One of the powerful effects of talking dirty is building anticipation. When you describe what you are about to do or what you wish you could do to your partner, it helps their minds to create an imaginary and, perhaps, a more intense version of what you have described. Ordinarily, they may enjoy your touch for example, but adding a verbal description of how you want to touch them builds anticipation, directs their mind to your touch, and heightens the sensation of your touch because they have already imagined and felt it even before you touched them.

Describing what you want to do could be as simple as saying, “I want to kiss every part of your beautiful body.” And it can be as detailed and dirty as, “I want to suck you until you come hard for me, and then I’ll swallow every bit of your warm, thick cum,” or, “I’m going to caress you until your tight little pussy is dripping wet and your entire body quake from sheer pleasure!” The more descriptive you are, the better your partner’s imagination and excitement can get.

4. Ask your partner what they want: Whether or not you are playing a submissive role, it is essential to have your partner’s satisfaction in mind during sex and foreplay. So, your dirty talk should also include phrases that help your partner to say what they want. For example, “How would you like it, slow and gentle, or fast and rough?” “I’m here to please you, baby. Tell daddy what you want, and I’ll do it,” “Your wish is my fucking command,” or, “Tell me your naughtiest fantasies and watch me bring them to reality.”

Asking your partner what they want is not just to please them. You can also derive immense pleasure from pleasing your partner. Watching your partner have an earth-shaking orgasm because of something you did to them can also build your sexual confidence. Besides, your partner will hold you in sexual admiration. You know that they will be thinking about you sexually for a long time. Also, asking them what they want is the most direct way to remove the guesswork and do exactly what pleases them.

You do not necessarily have to do everything your partner wants during sex, especially if they are asking for something you consider uncomfortable. But asking them is a way to get their deepest sexual desires out in the open. It is a form of release.

It is very crucial to remember that your partner’s sexual desires are not meant as issues for judgment or evaluation of their character. If you ever use their deepest sexual desire or fantasies against them in an argument, you run the risk of completely shutting yourself off from them emotionally.

5. Tell your partner what you want: Talking dirty is not just about pleasing your partner. It is also about getting as much sexual pleasure and stimulation as you can for yourself. A lot of women let themselves buy into the erroneous notion that dirty talk is all about pleasing their man alone. “Let me stroke his manly ego to make him last longer.” Approaching dirty talk from this perspective removes the element of authenticity. You are merely acting out a script or regurgitating what you read somewhere. We all have desires whether we are men or women. Indeed, men are more sexually active for reasons we have earlier discussed in Chapter 2. However, that does not diminish a woman’s need for sexual pleasure.

On the other hand, some men may have difficulty telling their partner what their deepest sexual desires are. They don’t want to appear petty, childish, or even sexually demanding to their partner. Unfortunately, if such a man has a partner that loves to be dominated sexually, both of them will continue to endure less satisfying sexual experiences.

Telling your partner exactly what you want in bed removes this unnecessary misreading between couples. Your partner will know precisely what your sexual preferences are if you verbalize your needs and wants. For example, “Fuck this pussy like you own it,” “Squeeze me harder,” “Go slower, baby,” “Suck my cock without hands,” or, “Rub my balls gently.”

I’ll suggest that you keep your focus on what you want instead of what you don’t want. If your partner is doing something you don’t want during sex or foreplay, be gentle when you tell them to stop. For example, if your man is giving you oral and you are not comfortable with how they are doing it, instead of saying “I don’t like what you are doing,” or, “Stop it! You are tickling me,” say something like, “Could you go slower with that warm lovely tongue of yours?” or, “Baby, that tickles a lot. Let’s try something else.” Even when you use nonverbal language to communicate your dislike, be gentle about it. For example, don’t push away your partner’s hand or forcefully remove their mouths from any of your body parts. Remember that they are trying to please you the best way they can. You may hurt their ego if you are not tactful with communicating your dislike.

Telling your partner what you want is about effective and loving communication. The goal is to help your partner give you sexual pleasure and satisfaction as you want it.

Note: There is no particular order for which you must use these suggestions. You don’t have to always start from appreciating your partner, describing how you feel, and so on. The most important thing to keep in mind is that you are present with your feelings and bodily sensations, and you are letting yourself verbalize them freely. If something pops into your mind during sex (whether it is a question, a request, something you like or don’t like), don’t suppress it; say it.

Setting Personal Boundaries

Whatever you decide to settle for, always remember that dirty talks are supposed to increase fun, sexual excitement, intense pleasure, and comfortability. Anything that negates these will leave you with a less satisfying experience.

Think of setting personal boundaries as foreplay. Bring up the words you say to yourselves during sex and gauge your acceptance level in a relaxed way. Laugh about it, make silly faces if you have to, and even tease each other about it. But make sure you let your partner know what you like and don’t like, and also let them tell you what their boundaries are.

The following suggestions are meant to guide you in setting personal boundaries. Approach them with a mindset of ease and fun. If you think of them as iron-clad rules, you take away the fun and spontaneity from dirty talk. Approaching them as strict rules will limit you from exploring things that are seemingly off-limits for you at the moment, but which may increase your sexual pleasure if you give them a try.

Go over what is comfortable

Everyone has a different tolerance level. What one person considers sexy, another considers offensive. For example, some people get turned on by aggressive sexuality and derogatory words such as, “whore,” “slut,” and “bitch.” For other people, it is a complete no-no and a turn-off. It is up to you and your partner to go over what is comfortable for both of you and set acceptable “filthiness levels.”

Some people prefer the street slangs such as “cunt,” “pussy,” “cock,” “rod,” “dick,” “clit,” “cunt,” and “tits,” while others prefer to stay with the clinical names for genitals and private parts (penis, vagina, clitoris, breast and so on). Whichever works for you is okay.

If you want to hear some filthier and dirtier words as you approach orgasm, let your partner know. For example, “When I’m almost there, please call me your dirty little slut,” or, “When I’m about to come, please say my name and tell me to fuck you harder.”

Some men want to be called “daddy” and some women won’t ever want to call any man daddy who isn’t their dad. Work out these and many other differences that may exist and have fun while doing it. Always remember to make this into foreplay rather than some serious formal discussion.

Make sure to complete Exercise 1 and 2 in Chapter 9 even before you sit down to chat with your partner about your sexual preferences and gross words.

Profanity is not compulsory

You don’t have to use profanity or vulgar words if you are not comfortable using them. For example, if you find the words “fuck,” “cum,” and “pussy juice” offensive, insulting, or disrespectful, it is okay to leave them out. However, saying things such as, “Make love to me,” can only get you so far. You will have to push yourself to break free from being too conservative if you truly want wild and mind-blowing sex. Of course, you don’t have to say the words that irritate you just to please your partner, but you could spice things up a little. For example, instead of saying, “Make love to me,” you could say, “Baby, drive me crazy with your sweet lovemaking.” If you prefer to avoid the words “cock,” “dick,” “cunt,” “pussy” or any other slang for genitals, you could say something like, “I love feeling you deep inside me,” as opposed to, “Shove that throbbing cock deep inside my wet pussy.” Or “I love the warmth of your soft lips on me,” as opposed to, “Suck my fucking cock with those pretty lips of yours, bitch.”

Again, do and say only what makes you comfortable. If your challenge is shyness rather than a strict conservative background, you will ease into using more profanity as you keep practicing. But keep in mind that profanity is not compulsory and too much of it can be a turn-off for some people.

Don’t be afraid to check in

It is a mark of respect for your partner to check in with their level of comfortability before using certain vulgar words for them. When you are outside the bedroom and being sexual, you can ask them what they think about a phrase. Checking in with your partner shows that you want to say only the things that enhance your connection. For example, “How would you like it if I call you a dirty slut when I climax, tonight?” They may completely hate the idea and tell you so. They may love it and tell you so. Or they may want to make some adjustments like, “I prefer you call me ‘your slut’ instead of a ‘dirty slut’.”

It is not safe to assume that your partner will like everything you say simply because they love you and have been in a relationship with you for a while. If you make it a habit to check in with someone you just started dating recently, you increase your chances of having a healthy long-term relationship with them.

The type of relationship matters

Sexual relationships differ, and so should your choice of words. When you have sex with someone you just met or someone you are having a one-night stand with, it may not be a good idea to talk to them as if you know them. For example, “Sweetie, I know you want me to cum in your mouth.” First of all, they are not your sweetie and you don’t necessarily know anything about them. Even if you share a casual sexual relationship with someone or are in a “friends with benefits” type of relationship, avoid using very personal terms. You may also turn them off if you use derogatory words such as “whore,” “bitch,” and “slut,” unless of course, you met them under such circumstances.

It is safer to reserve sweet and loving words for long-term loving relationships such as a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship and a husband and wife relationship. Including sweet and loving words in your erotic talk increases the bond you share with your partner. If they are not someone you want to have a long-term relationship with, it is better to avoid using words such as “baby,” “sweetie,” honey,” “darling,” “cute,” and so on.

Timing and frequency

While it is great to send raunchy texts and place calls to each other, it is equally important to respect each other’s time. Let your partner know when it is okay to engage in phone sex and when you are busy doing other things. There should be mutual respect for your time online and offline.

As they say, too much of everything is bad. If every call and text is filled with gross, vulgar, and explicit words or images, you may soon lose interest.

Derogatory terms should be used only in private

The fact that you are comfortable with being called a “bitch,” “slut,” “whore,” or a “playboy” in the bedroom doesn’t mean that your partner should call you that outside the bedroom or in your normal conversations. Any reference to derogatory terms should be used strictly in private during sex, foreplay, or when they are trying to put you in the mood for sex using text and phone calls.

If your partner likes to be called a “dirty slut” during sex, it doesn’t mean that’s what they are in real-life, and should not be treated as such. Even if you are not in a loving, long-term relationship with someone, treat them with respect regardless of what offensive words they enjoy during sex.

Keep information strictly private

The things you share in private are not subjects for discussion with anyone outside your relationship. Don’t go telling your friends, “My boyfriend likes me to sit on his face and call him a wimp,” or, “My girlfriend sent me her nudes last night.” It is totally disrespectful and portrays you as someone who cannot be trusted with confidential information.

Also, do not threaten to share personal videos, pictures, text messages, or recorded phone calls with others. What you do with your partner is very private and should remain that way. If you both agree to a relationship that involves third parties or more, respect each individual in the relationship and keep private things private.

Bottom line

Stay within your boundaries once you set them. Don’t cross it to just to make your partner happy. However, it is okay to be open to push your boundaries when you think you’ll like to explore something different or new. And that too should be done one tiny step at a time. People change and so do their preferences too. Setting boundaries when it comes to talking gross is not like signing a contract. Think of it like a map that has a general outline of the things you like and don’t like, but not the nitty-gritty details of everything. It is normal for your boundaries to expand as you get more comfortable with naughty bedroom talks. And if you find something uncomfortable even though you earlier thought it was okay, let your partner know. It is not out of place for your boundaries to become smaller too.

Chapter 5: Examples

Let’s get down to business. If you have been wondering exactly what dirty things to say to your partner, you’ll get ample examples in this chapter. While these lines can have a great positive impact on your partner and overall sex life, it is better to customize them to suit your particular situation. Your partner can tell if you are just recanting things you read off a book because it won’t sound real and it won’t be tailored to him or her.

You can use these examples as a guide for creating your own original lines. Talking dirty doesn’t mean blabbing away throughout sex. A few simple but well-timed naughty remarks are all that is required to take your sex experience up a notch. Remember to vary your lines so they won’t become boring. The best way to do that is to tune into the sensations you feel, the sexual desires you want to be fulfilled, and then vocalize them.

If you find it too awkward to be verbally expressive, tell yourself that you are temporarily switching into a different role to test whether or not dirty talks are for you. Now, let loose, get into the moment, and flow with it.

Since not everyone is on the same level of openness and comfortability, I have grouped the examples into three different levels:

●     Beginner level: This is for those who want to give dirty talk a trial or for those testing the waters with a new partner. The language here is easy, suggestive, and can be considered safe even for highly modest people.

●     Intermediary level: This is for those who want to improve their naughty bedroom language. The phrases in this section are raunchier and can get your man harder or woman wetter. If you are new to being naughty, you may find these examples a bit too challenging.

●     Advanced level: The examples here are for those who have no qualms sharing their deepest fantasies with their partner and are better used when you are very sure your partner is on the same page as you with regards to dirty talks. The phrases here are extremely explicit and not meant for the faint-hearted.

You will also find suggested phrases that can be used before sex (to build sexual tension), after sex (to maintain sexual momentum) and even dirty things to say in public places. I suggest that you sift through these pre and post-sex dirty talks and select the ones that you are most comfortable with. Remember to do a preliminary check with your partner before using these phrases even if you are intimate with them. It is safer to be sure than to assume.

Beginner Level

For ladies (what your man wants to hear)

During sex

The following phrases are best tailored for women to use during sex. Some of these lines can also be used during foreplay. Ladies, your man would love to hear you say these words:

1.  That feels so amazing!

2. God! That’s feels so good.

3. I’m so wet right now.

4. I’m dripping wet for you!

5. I love it when you whisper those words in my ears.

6. I love it when you do that to me.

7. I love it when you caress me like that.

8. I love the feel of your strong arms around me.

9. I feel so sexy just staying here in your arms.

10. I love it when you eat me up.

11.  It feels good when you are inside me.

12. You look so handsome/manly, my love.

13. You have the body of a sex god!

14. Lie back, relax, and let me take good care of you.

15.  I need to hold you tight right now.

16. I’m going to kiss you so softly you’ll lose your mind!

17.  Relax, let me warm you up.

18. Baby, come closer and set my flesh/soul on fire.

19. Make me come, baby.

20. I can’t wait to have your arms wrapped around me.

21. Kiss my lips, darling.

22. I want to feel your warm breath on my face.

23. Come take my breath away.

24. Put your hands between my thighs.

25. Come tell me all about those dirty little secrets.

26. I want to feel your weight on top of me.

27. Come taste me.

28. I want to feel you deep inside of me.

29. Take me.

30. Choke me!

31. Ride me.

32. Faster.

33. Deeper.

34. Harder.

35. Hit it harder.

36. Right there.

37. That’s the spot!

38. Let’s do this all night.

39. Slowly, my love, slowly.

40. Tear me up!

41. Pull my hair, please.

42. Spank me!

43. Fill me up, please!

44. I can’t take this suspense any longer. Come take me, darling!

45. Squeeze me tight.

46. Run those manly hands all over my body.

47. Keep going, don’t stop!

48. Tell me how you want it.

49. What dirty thing do you have in mind?

50. How would you like to be served?

51.  What naughty things would you like me to do to you?

52. Hold me tight and never let go.

53. Undress me, baby, and do to me as you please.

54. Take me and do to me whatever you please, my love.

55. I can tell you want me.

56. Tell me your secret fantasies.

57. Come practice what you preach.

58. I’m all yours, baby. All yours.

59. Show me all the naughty things you can do.

60. Show me how much you want me.

61. I love your warm breath between my thighs.

62. Kiss me gently on my lips, boobs, and between my thighs.

63. Come for me baby, come so hard.

64. Have your way with me tonight.

65. You own me, my love.

66. You whisper in my ears and make me weak in my knees.

67. Dominate me and make me beg.

68. Strip me naked with those sexy eyes.

69. The look in your eyes gives me the shivers.

70. Your wish is my command.

71.  I need you so bad right now.

72. Tonight, I’m doing all the work while you lay back and enjoy my touch.

73. Touch me like no one has ever touched me before.

74. Touch my lips. No, not with your hands but with your sexy lips.

75. You kiss my lips and I can’t seem to think straight anymore.

76. Take me right now! I want to melt into you!

For men (what your woman wants to hear)

During sex

The following phrases are best suited for men during sex. You can use some of these lines during foreplay too. Men, don’t be a painful bore during sex. Your woman would love to hear you say these words:

1.  You’re making me hard as a rock.

2. Come here darling, sit on my lap.

3. Say my name.

4. Who’s your daddy?

5. I like the sexy look in your eyes.

6. Come here, you hot, sexy goddess.

7. The look in your eyes is making me hard.

8. I want to kiss those sexy lips of yours.

9. You look like an angel when you kiss my lip.

10. Your hair smells like heaven to me.

11.  You look so ravishing right now I feel like devouring you!

12. Keep stroking me like that, baby.

13. I like it when you use your tongue.

14. Right there, baby.

15.  Say it again, slowly.

16. I love it when you take charge.

17.  Tonight, you are in control.

18. You’re so hot!

19. You have the most gorgeous body ever.

20. Tease me, baby, until I lose control.

21. You taste so sweet, baby.

22. You are so wet.

23. You’re warm, wet, and slippery!

24. You are so tight.

25. I want to taste you.

26. You’re so good with your tongue.

27. You have magic fingers.

28. Grind on me slowly.

29. Spread your legs for me.

30. Are you ready for me?

31. Do you like it when I do that?

32. Daddy’s coming for you, baby.

33. I want to ride you slowly.

34. Get ready for the ride of your life!

35. Are you feeling this?

36. Say it like you mean it.

37. You’re wild like a tigress, and it turns me on.

38. I’m almost there.

39. Lay back let me slowly kiss every inch of your sexy body.

40. I’m going to make you scream my name.

41. I want to rip off your clothes and do to you all the naughty things I’ve been thinking about all day long.

42. Your sexy body is turning me on.

43. You’re so delicious my love.

44. Your body is so perfect.

45. Tonight, you belong to me.

46. I know you want me inside you, filling and tearing you up, don’t you?

47. I’ve waited for your sexy body all day. Come here let me show you what I have in mind.

48. I’m going to kiss you anywhere you choose. Show me where you want my lips.

49. Your lips are so warm and soft.

50. I’m so hard just by looking at your sexy body.

51.  Place your hand on my chest and feel what my heart is saying.

52. You are my naughty girl.

53. I’ll take it easy and slow, and then flip you over and give it to you rough and fast.

54. You’re just too delicious I wish I could eat you all day.

55. I get harder when you moan with pleasure.

56. I’ll run my hands through your hair and nibble on your ears while I stick it from behind.

57. I like the feel of your soft skin. It sets my groin on fire!

58. Tonight, all your sexual fantasies are about to be fulfilled by this sex god.

59. Just the sight of you turns me on.

60. Come closer baby let me run my fingers down your spine.

61. Get on your knees and beg for it.

62. It feels so good when you stroke me that way.

63. You make me long helplessly for your body.

64. You bring out the wild animal in me.

65. I can never get tired of making love to you.

66. Your soft, sweet boobs against my chest… mmm… this is pure heaven!

Intermediate

For ladies (what your man wants to hear)

During sex

These phrases target your man’s ego, decrease your inhibition of filthy words, and increase your boldness to express your intimate desires and sexual fantasies.

1.  Your cock/dick is perfect for me. I love it like crazy.

2. Drive me wild with that big, strong dick of yours.

3. Relax and let me make you cum like never before.

4. The gods must envy your dick. It’s a sight to behold!

5. Make that dick throb for me, baby.

6. I totally adore your gorgeous dick/cock.

7. I’m madly in love with your dick.

8. I worship this gorgeous cock you have dangling before my eyes.

9. I love how your cock pulsates inside me.

10. I’m addicted to your cock.

11.  The size of the bulge in your pants tells me you’re ready to fuck me.

12. You’re good with your tongue.

13. I love your wet tongue on my hard nipples.

14. Lick me again, slowly this time.

15.  Cup my boobs and squeeze them.

16. I fucking love how you ride me.

17.  You drive me crazy when you kiss my pussy lips.

18. I love sucking you until you cum.

19. Pound me hard.

20. Tonight I’m your prisoner. Punish me with that big cock of yours.

21. I like the look on your face when you cum for me.

22. Fuck me in front of the mirror, my love.

23. Look into my eyes when you cum.

24. Tell me how good it feels when you fuck me.

25. Go in deep! Fucking make me pregnant.

26. I like the feel of your hard cock in my mouth.

27. How do you like my sexy little ass?

28. I love it when you nibble on my hard nipples.

29. You deserve an award for fucking me this good.

30. Bang me from behind.

31. Jerk off for me, please.

32. I made the bed already, but I don’t mind messing up the sheets with you.

33. I want to feel the bulge in your pants against my ass.

34. Shove that monstrous dick in my pussy… every inch of it.

35. Tell me every naughty detail of what you want to do to me.

36. I am your sex slave. I’ll do anything for your cum.

37. Fuck me again, please.

38. I love it when you grab my butt-cheek that way.

39. Tonight, let me be your naughty little girl.

40. This pussy needs you deep inside right now.

41. Your cock redefines sex.

42. Lay that macho body on me.

43. Where did you keep this cock all of my life?

44. Yes, I like being your dirty little girl.

45. Bury your cute boyish face in mommy’s voluptuous boobs.

46. Get on your knees and kiss my ass, now!

47. Kiss my lips… no, my lips down there!

48. Go in deeper, deeper!

49. I love how you growl when you are about to cum.

50. Give me a warm pussy massage, please.

51.  Give me a full-body massage… and full-body orgasm.

52. I want those nice-looking fingers inside me.

53. Your cock tastes and feels good in my mouth.

54. Shove it in, baby, shove it!

55. Bite me all over.

56. I like how you slide your hard cock in and out of my wet pussy.

57. This pussy is dripping wet for you.

58. Flip me over and ride me in my favorite position.

59. I love the way your cock feels in my tight hole.

60. Spread my ass cheek and shove that big cock in my tight little pussy.

61. Fucking you is heavenly!

62. I want you to fuck me silly!

63. Your hard cock rocks my world!

64. I like lollipops, but not as much as your sweet dick.

65. I want to suck on your dick all night.

66. The thought of your hard cock sliding into my tight pussy leaves me shaking like a leaf.

For men (what your woman wants to hear)

During sex

Your woman will feel more wanted, needed, loved, and appreciated when you say these words.

1.  I love it when you squeeze my dick with your cunt/pussy.

2. Your touch makes my dick/cock so hard it hurts a little.

3. I love how you suck my hard cock.

4. You sure know how to use your tongue to make me go wild.

5. Holy shit! I’m going to explode if you keep doing that!

6. Your ass looks so perfect from this angle.

7. My little good girl, suck on daddy’s cock.

8. Come let me play with your tight little pussy.

9. I want to eat dessert off your sexy body.

10. I love the feeling of sheer ecstasy I get when you ride my cock.

11.  I want to see how soaking wet you are.

12. Your warm pussy makes me want to spend all night inside you.

13. I want to explode inside of you!

14. Bring those beautiful breasts of yours here! I want to suck them so bad!

15.  I want to bury my face between your thighs.

16. I’ll circle my tongue around your clit until you quiver from sheer pleasure.

17.  I am entranced by the sight of your wet cunt.

18. Your vagina got me intoxicated.

19. Sit on this dick and ride me like a pony.

20. Tilt your ass up a bit let me get a good view of your honey pot.

21. Your pussy grows sweeter by the day. I can’t wait to taste it again.

22. How do you want me to fuck you, slow or fast?

23. I love how you grab the sheets when I push my dick all the way.

24. You’re so fucking wet.

25. Turn around and bless me with the sight of your perfect ass.

26. My balls are lonely and cold. Would you warm them up with your mouth, please?

27. I love the sound you make when my tongue is between your legs.

28. Clench that sweet pussy around my cock.

29. I’m dying to have a cock massage.

30. I like the feel of your soft hands. They should be holding my hard cock.

31. Spread it just like that… yeah.

32. Tonight, I want you to wear only this when I ride you from behind.

33. I love how your tits dangle when I take you from behind.

34. I’ll make those boobs clap so hard until you call me your daddy.

35. Bend over let me oil up your hot ass.

36. Make that ass clap for daddy.

37. I like the feel of your hands when you shave my dick and balls.

38. Dig those nails into my ass cheek when I’m about to cum hard inside you.

Advance Level

For ladies (what your man wants to hear)

During sex

These phrases are for you if your man doesn’t mind getting extra filthy and naughty. Some of these phrases sound demeaning, but they are not meant to debase the female gender. I strongly suggest that you use them only in the context of a loving relationship. A lady who uses these dirty phrases for men she meets casually runs the risk of being considered irresponsible. Be reckless all you want, but let it be with a man who still holds you in high regard after all the dirty talk.

1.  Shove every inch of that cock into my wet cunt.

2. Call me your dirty whore/slut.

3. Fuck me, baby. Fuck me like your life depends on it!

4. Tear up that pussy!

5. You own this fucking pussy!

6. Fuck this pussy like you own it.

7. Eat this pussy like you mean it.

8. Your cum tastes so delicious.

9. Cum in my mouth, please. I want to taste your cum.

10. I want to suck your cock until you shoot your load.

11.  Lick my wet little pussy.

12. Cum hard for me, daddy.

13. Cum inside me, darling.

14. Cum all over me, my love.

15.  Fuck my pretty face, darling.

16. I’m your little slut/whore.

17.  Suck my clit, baby.

18. Let me be your sex slut tonight.

19. Oh, fucking shit! I’m coming!

20. I love the taste of my cum on your fucking cock.

21. You fuck like a god!

22. I want you to shoot your load all over my face!

23. Thank you for pounding me so hard.

24. I’m hungry for your hard cock right now.

25. Watch how my tits jiggle as I ride your hard cock.

26. This pussy is meant for your dick.

27. Fuck me like a dog!

28. Play with my wet cunt while I jerk off your hard cock.

29. Suck on my tits while I ride you like crazy.

30. Tease my clit with the tip of your dick.

31. Please master let me give you a blow job.

32. I’ll do anything you say because I’m your little bitch.

33. Do to me all the kinky things you’ve been thinking about.

34. I’m bending over for you. How do you like the view?

35. Spank this ass and fuck my brains out!

36. Push me against the wall and fuck my pussy till it hurts.

37. I love it when you flick your tongue against my clit.

38. Fuck me as if you are closing a multimillion-dollar deal!

39. I’m going to squeeze your cock so tight that you’ll explode inside of me.

40. Come dick me down with your monster cock.

41. I can feel your thick cum inside me.

42. Tell me I’m your dirtiest slut ever.

43. Put that cock back in my wet warm hole and stop whining like a little wimp!

44. I’m going to sit on your fucking face until you make me cum.

45. Come on! Tongue-fuck this pussy!

46. Do you fucking own this your pussy or what?

47. You’ve been a bad boy! It’s time for your punishment.

48. I love it when you masturbate and cum hard for me.

49. Pull my hair when you shoot your load.

50. I love it when you lick the creamy candy off my pussy.

51.  If you shave my hairy pussy, I’ll suck your cock until you beg me to stop.

52. Eat my cunt until I beg you to stop.

53. Make me scream your name.

54. Lay me on this desk and fuck me like your secretary.

55. Lick my tight asshole.

For men (what your woman wants to hear)

During sex

Not every woman will like to hear these phrases, so be sure about the lady in question before using these lines for her. Consider these filthy talks as tools to heighten the sexual enjoyment for both of you, and not in any way a description of the woman you are with.

1.  I love it when you tease the tip of my cock with your tongue.

2. Beg me, you little bitch.

3. You’ve been a good girl all day. It’s time to reward your tight little pussy.

4. Say my fucking name when you cum, bitch.

5. Get undressed and lie down. I’m about to fuck you mercilessly.

6. I’ll fuck you until your whole body is shaking.

7. Go on all fours and beg me to cum.

8. Get on your knees and swallow this cum.

9. Cum hard for me, baby.

10. Rub your pussy for me.

11.  Suck this fucking cock like a pro.

12. Make me cum with no hands baby, just your slutty mouth.

13. Touch yourself, I want to see you make yourself cum.

14. I’ll pound you so hard you’ll forget your name.

15.  Gag on my hard cock.

16. I want you to lick your cum off my cock.

17.  Sit on my face let me breathe in the sweet smell of your wet cunt.

18. Get on your knees and suck me till I cum.

19. Stroke me faster. I want to cum in your hands.

20. I feel like sticking my cock in all your holes.

21. Lick my balls like a dirty little slut.

22. Drench me in your pussy juice.

23. I’m going to drench you in my warm cum tonight.

24. Lick my balls, you bitch!

25. Bend over, you naughty little girl. You deserve some spanking.

26. Give me that amazing blow job while I eat your pussy in a 69 position.

27. I’ll choke you with my hard cock until you gasp for breath!

28. Choke on it, you dirty little whore.

29. Your fucking ass looks so hot when you bend over.

30. Stretch that pussy for daddy, come on, do it!

Pre-Sex Dirty Talks

The following phrases are best used to build sexual tension long before sex. Consider them verbal foreplay that keeps your partner in the mood for sex all day.

1.  I can’t wait to put my hands all over you tonight.

2. You’re going to need all your strength for tonight, so start saving it.

3. I’m going to show you my a few new tricks tonight.

4. I want you to suck on my tits now so I’ll such on your cock later.

5. I see that huge bulge in your pants. I can’t wait to put my mouth over it.

6. Guess what? I’m soaking wet for you right now. Would you like to dive in and explore?

7. Tonight, I’ll give it to you from behind.

8. Tonight. On the counter. I’ll bend you over.

9. Why haven’t we had sex in the kitchen? Let’s try that when you get back.

10. Let’s do something kinky tonight. Any ideas?

Post-Sex Dirty Talk

The following phrases are best used after sex. It could be immediately after sex or even a couple of days after.

1.  I can’t seem to get last night off my mind. You were so amazing!

2. You sure know how to use that tongue of yours. I still shiver when I think of what you did to my clit.

3. Get off my thoughts already! I can’t concentrate. All I see is your cock.

4. Even after all these days, my sheets still smell of you.

5. It is funny how I like all the dirty names you called me last night.

6. Thinking about how hard you came last time is getting me horny.

7. I can’t wait to get you over here again.

8. You won last night. I demand a rematch.

9. The way you moan and groan with pleasure last time makes me want to have you again, tonight.

10. Thank you for breaking me out of my conservative shell. I look forward to learning more dirty tricks from you, my naughty teacher.

11.  You made me giggle like an innocent virgin last night with the way you kept whispering those naughty things in my ears.

12. You definitely know how to ride a cock! That was an amazing experience. I can’t wait to spend another quality time with you next weekend.

13. I’m gonna christen you Priapus, the sexy god! Last night, that cock of yours brought out the bitch in me!

14. You shaved me clean and licked me clean! Thank you.

15.  No one ever sucked me the way you did last night. You’re awesome!

Dirty Compliments That Can Lead to Sex

Use these lines when you want to get your partner to want sex by giving them sexy complementing.

1.  Your lips are so moist I feel like kissing them.

2. You have the most perfect ass any human can have.

3. You are an expert in cock sucking.

4. Your tits are a wonder to behold.

5. Those perfectly shaped lips of yours should be sucking on something very intimate to me.

6. Your hips, your ass, your slow walk, all beckon me.

7. My mind keeps playing back the way your perfect hips sway.

8. Your hot, sexy body is a naked weapon.

9. I thought you looked beautiful when you smile until I saw how you orgasm. Gosh! You look like a goddess in ecstasy.

10. Those lips of yours are calling out to me.

Dirty Talk in Public

These dirty phrases can turn your partner on in public and make them want to have sex with you.

1.  Do you know what I would have been doing to you right now if we weren’t in public?

2. I wish you can fuck me right in front of all these people.

3. Imagine us fucking in front of a hundred naked people.

4. Hey, I’m not wearing panties. Do you want us to go to the bathroom… together?

5. If you keep stealing glances at me like that, I’ll drag you into that private room and fuck you against the wall.

6. If my colleagues weren’t here, I’ll lay you on top of this desk and fill you up till you cum.

7. Please walk ahead of me. I want to see that rounded ass of yours in those jeans.

8. Just so you know, I fucking wet right now.

9. I couldn’t help but think of you holding my cock when you were on stage holding the microphone.

10. I know people are watching, but can I suck you for just a minute?

11.  Slip your hands into my panties. Quick, no one is watching.

12. I know this may be a little bit inappropriate, but I just can’t stop thinking about your cock inside me, right now.

13. Standing next to you in this crowd makes me want to touch your cock. May I?

14. I’m glad none of these people here know how great you are in bed.

15.  Can I let you into a secret? I feel like fondling you right now.

16. Stand close to me, honey. I want to feel that cock throbbing against my ass.

17.  Are there any cameras in this elevator? Because I feel like tearing off your clothes right now.

18. Can we just leave this boring event for five minutes? I’ll rather be alone with you.

19. I like this bumpy bus ride; your cock keeps bumping into my ass and that’s making me super wet.

20. Thank goodness these people can’t see what your hands are about to do under my skirt.

21. I need to use the bathroom. I expect you will check on me in five minutes?

22. Can we just ignore all these people and bang like no one is here?

23. If you keep doing that thing you do with your eyes, I’m going to cum in my pants in front of all these people.

24. What if I go down on you right here and now?

25. This movie is boring. Can we do something fun in the back of my car?

Chapter 6: Role-Playing

One of the easiest and fun ways to overcome sexual inhibitions is role-playing. Sexual role play is a game that involves acting out sexual fantasies using different roles that may be completely unlike the individuals in real life. The intensity of the play depends on the participants. You can choose to role-play using makeshift props or go into elaborate preparations complete with scripts and matching costumes for each character in the play. However, you don’t need to be an award-winning actor/actress or even have any prior experience in acting to enjoy sexual role play.

This chapter focuses on the basics of sexual role play and how you can use it to improve on your use of dirty talk. The idea is to get you to assume a character that is not yours and talk like the sexy, dirty version of that character.

The Process

Bring up your mutual sexual fantasies

Unless you want to take your partner by surprise and hope that they play along, it is usually better to brainstorm different ideas and scenarios with your partner. Come up with what you both think is agreeable. We all have sexual fantasies even if we don’t actually want them to happen in reality. But these fantasies could be your guide to enjoying role-play with your partner. Perhaps you wish your masseur or masseuse would be a bit more daring and take things just a bit farther during your massage sessions, or you have always had an eye for one of your teachers back in college. Share those fantasies with your partner and see which ones both of you can act out.

It is crucial to do this because one partner’s idea of role-playing may be too strong or kinky for the other. But when you talk things out together, you will figure out what works for both of you. In any case, it is advisable to keep an open mind and think of it all as mere fantasy and nothing more.

You can start with simple settings at first. Getting into too many details and imagination may be too daunting for you or your partner and defeat the goal of sexual role play. Start with something that can be done in a familiar setting such as your home or a nearby restaurant or bar. Select simple roles/characters and scenarios such as:

●     A lonely businessman and the comforting sexy woman at a bar or restaurant.

●     A pervert teacher and the naughty student in a class or the teacher’s office.

●     A nurse and her sick patient in a hospital bed.

●     A house owner and his sexy maid in the living room or kitchen.

Dress the part if you wish

Go ahead and dress the part if it will help you to play the part more realistically. You can buy hats, wigs, and other costumes from costume shops, online, or adult shops. While costumes can add more excitement and fun to the whole idea of role-playing, they are not a requirement. Only get them if you think you really need them. Moreover, you may not have extra money to spend on costumes and props or you just want to keep things simple. Several roles require little to no costumes (a stranger at the bar, being on a blind date, and so on).

Make It kinky if you wish

Some sexual role-plays (such as officer and criminal, teacher and student, boss and secretary) are more about power and dominance. One partner (the dominant) gets to have their way with the other (the submissive). If you want to explore sexual dominance or kinkiness in a more relaxed and playful atmosphere assume the dominant/submissive roles using any character of your choice.

However, role-play is not all about power exchange. You can choose to skip any role that tends to portray the dominant/submissive attributes.

Start slow

As always, it is best to start anything new with baby steps. It may feel too unreal, ridiculous, or just plain silly to get all dressed up and act like someone else. But you don’t have to dress up to start with. Playing pretend may seem like a childish thing to do, but if you let go and play along for just a little while, you may discover that you are actually turned on by the idea of picking up a stranger at a bar, for example (even if you’ve known this “stranger” all your life).

Even if you totally buy the idea of sexual role play, it is wise to start slowly. You can begin by sending a raunchy text or sext detailing your sexual fantasy to your partner. This can be another form of foreplay. If you are a shy person, you can use this medium to open up communication on potentially awkward or embarrassing sexual subjects.

Let your character use dirty words

There is no movie director here; it’s just you and your partner. So, you don’t have to feel embarrassed if you get your first few lines completely wrong. Feel free to laugh about it if you fumble or make mistakes. No one is taking a score. Just let yourself ease into character and the words will flow naturally. You may or may not know how the fantasy will end. In any case, simply let your imagination guide you into what your character will say and say them without reservation. Even if you don’t like profanity or filthy words, your character may like them. Permit your character to say what they need to say to make the game fun and exciting.

Sexual Roleplay Ideas

Here are a few sexual roleplay ideas to help stimulate your imagination and get the ball rolling. You are welcome to tweak them to suit you and create your own dirty dialogues along with it. You can use the dirty phrases in parenthesis as part of your sex dialogue.

1.  Play the role of a firefighter who just rescued your partner and is rewarded with sex. (Dirty phrase: “You saved my life. The least I can do is to offer you my dick/pussy.”)

2. Play the role of a cop. Your partner is trying to get wriggle their way out of a speeding ticket. (Dirty phrase: “The only to get out of this is to please me.”)

3. Play the role of a prostitute who’s just having sex for the cash. (Dirty phrase: “Show me the cash and I’ll give you good pussy/cock.”)

4. Pretend you came for a sleepover at your friend’s and snuck out to have sex with your friend’s sibling. (Dirty phrase: “Shhh… come have a taste of this cock/pussy before someone sees us.”)

5. Pretend that you are a client getting a massage from your partner who is a masseur or masseuse and is willing to give you a happy ending. (Dirty phrase: “Could you go a bit lower… lower still, yeah… that’s the spot.”)

6. Pretend to knock on the wrong hotel room door but the stranger who opened up (your partner) invited you in any way. (Dirty phrase: “Never mind, I could use the company of someone as gorgeous as you right now.”)

7. Play the role of a landlord who’s come to collect their rent, but your partner can’t pay, so they end up paying in kind. (Dirty phrase: “I’m gonna fuck my money’s worth out of you tonight.”)

8. Play the role of a yoga instructor teaching your partner how to stretch and bend over. (Dirty phrase: “Nice and slow… that’s it. Now bring that sexy ass of yours over here.”)

9. Play the role of a boss who is about to have sex with his or her employee on the desk. (Dirty phrase: “I see you’ve been striping me naked with your eyes all day. It’s time to turn this office into our sex haven!”)

10. Both of you should assume the role of angry partners in a rough sex session.

11.  Play the role of a tour guide with a strong accent. Let your partner listen to your dirty talk with a different accent.

12. Recreate the roles of your favorite porn stars from a porn scene or novel.

13. Play the role of a naughty maid trying to have quick sex with the house owner before the wife shows up. (Dirty phrase: “I’ll be in the kitchen… I’ve got no pants on. Hurry!”)

14. Pretend to be a dance teacher and seduce your student (partner) through your movements. (Dirty phrase: “Place one foot ahead of the other and move your hips this way. Gosh! You look so sexy in that pose!”)

15.  Play the role of a hooker trying to get a one-night stand. (Dirty phrase: “I’m free for the whole night. Would you like to do something fun and sexy?”)

16. Play the role of a pizza guy who gets a blow job in place of cash. (Dirty phrase: “I’m sorry I don’t have any cash at home. But I’m sure we can figure out some other more interesting way to pay?”)

17.  Pretend is your first sex as husband and wife on your wedding night. (Dirty phrase: “I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life. I can’t wait to finally be inside you / have you inside me!”)

18. Play the role of an artist and paint your nude partner on a canvas. (Dirty phrase: “You have the curves of a god/goddess.”)

19. Play the role of a shy virgin having sex for the very first time. (Dirty phrase: “Promise to be gentle with me tonight, would you?”)

20. Play the role of an innocent person who is completely naïve about sex. Let your partner teach show you how to have sex. (Dirty phrase: “Is that what an erect penis/aroused vagina looks like? Oh… I see.”)

21. Pretend you are a student who’s trying to seduce their teacher for better grades. (Dirty phrase: “I might not be good at algebra, but I can tell from the way you look at me that you want to have a taste of me, don’t you?”)

22. Pretend that you are a hypnotist who has hypnotized your partner. Command them to do whatever you wish. (Dirty phrase: “You will suck my cock / eat my pussy when I instruct you. Nod if you understand me.”)

23. Play the role of a nurse and bathe your “sick” patient (your partner). (Dirty phrase: “If you would step out of your robe. Good boy/girl. Now relax let me take good care of you.”)

24. Pretend that you are a striptease and give your partner a lap dance. (Dirty phrase: “Do you like it when I bend over and shake my ass like this?”)

25. Play the role of a cab driver and have sex with your client in the back of your car. (Dirty phrase: “Your destination is still a bit far. I suggest we stop here for a while, grab a quick bite and have a quickie.”)

Chapter 7: Common Mistakes

Nothing can possibly go wrong with talking dirty, right? Wrong! As mentioned earlier, spewing a string of vulgar or profane words is not what dirty talk is in the context of sexual relationships. The words you say don’t matter as much as how and when you say them. You want to avoid coming off a tat; talking dirty is not synonymous with the ramblings in porn movies. Unlike porn, getting your erotic talk right can increase the love and affection you share with your partner. And even if you are in a casual relationship or having a one-night stand, you can still use dirty talk correctly to increase your sex experience.

Let us quickly consider some of the things that can go wrong with dirty talk.

Avoid These Dirty Talk Mistakes

Going full steam ahead

Even if your partner loves talking dirty, jumping into it with all the filthy words you can come up with is not the best way to go. Start slowly with innocent or tame words and phrases. As your foreplay and feeling of ecstasy increases, you can ease into the flow of stronger terms and graphic descriptions. Baby steps are always crucial when dealing with emotions and feelings.

Talking non-stop

Porn stars may keep talking dirty throughout sex, but that is just an act. Bringing that into your bedroom may give your partner a different opinion about you whether they are casual partners or you are in a long-term relationship with them. There is nothing wrong with saying only a handful of phrases throughout sex. Only talk when you really want to talk. Remember, a large part of talking dirty is reacting to what you feel and not just putting up an act.

Too much profanity

It may be called “dirty” but that doesn’t mean every single statement must be loaded with curse words and profanity. If you always use derogatory terms when referring to your partner during sex, and don’t include loving, kind, and appreciative words in your dirty talks, your partner may begin to think you actually see them in that light. It is not a mistake to adhere to the saying; too much of everything is bad. I highly recommend that you use profanity or curse words like the icing on your sex cake, and not the main ingredient.

Laughing at your partner’s remark

It is okay to introduce humor in sex. It is equally okay to have hearty laughs together as part of foreplay or after sex. But it is not okay to laugh at your partner’s remark even if they get their lines wrong. You may hurt their ego or ruin their mood especially if they are new to dirty talk or if they are trying to break out of their shell and overcome shyness.

Shaming your partner’s body parts or degrading their performance

If you must talk about your partner’s body, let your sex talks focus on the things you like about them. If you find nothing to appreciate in their body (such as in the case of a one-night stand) do not comment on their body parts, especially intimate ones. Instead, focus only on how you feel, what you want them to do, or what you want to do to them. Making belittling remarks in the guise of profanity may turn your partner off completely. Avoid it by all means. Making insane remarks such as, “I want to crush your stupid pussy,” or “Can’t you fuck me any harder?” are thoughtless forms of verbal abuse and shouldn’t be confused with dirty talk. People have insecurities about their bodies and sexual performances. Don’t be insensitive to these insecurities and make degrading remarks about their body or performance.

Being tentative

You will turn off the heat if you sound unsure when you speak. For example, when you say, “You like it when I do that, don’t you?” make it sound like a statement rather than a question. While it can be very sexy to speak in low tones, it doesn’t mean you can’t sound confident. When you play a submissive role, it is okay to sound pleasing to your partner and even pretend to beg (yes, submissive roles require assuming a weak position). But a dominant role is authoritative in many ways. You can’t play both roles at the same time. Tailor your dirty talk to suit one role at a time.

Being repetitive

It becomes boring after a while if you always repeat the same line. If you run out of ideas on what to say, stick to moaning and using body language. Avoid sounding like a broken record. Every sex act is different and even if you can’t find entirely new phrases to use, creatively tweak the ones already know. When you keep your partner guessing what your next naughty line would be, it can build sexual anticipation and make the mood last longer.

Forcing it

The goal of talking dirty is to increase sexual enjoyment. If something you are saying isn’t working, stop and try something else. Don’t force a line that just isn’t working or else you will begin to sound like a phony. If you’ve tried a couple of times and your creative juices are not just flowing, give it a rest and focus on allowing your other bodily juices to flow. Let your partner do the talking or simply enjoy silent sex for that moment. There is always another time to put your dirty talking skills into action.

Giving up too soon

So, you’ve tried a few times and it seems you are not cut out for this type of erotic expression. The worst mistake is to give up the idea entirely. Patience and communication are vital to developing this skill. It is not easy for a lot of people (not just you), to verbalize their deepest feelings especially when those feelings are intimate or sexual. To make it even worse, it is more difficult to express such sexual desires using suggestive and graphic terms. It takes a lot of practice and explorative investigation to get this right. However, the benefits are worth all the effort.

Dismissing the use of protection

This is particularly for people in a casual relationship or for couples who are not ready to make babies. No matter how horny you get from hearing all the naughty sex talks, insist on using protection. Saying things like, “Now, let’s slip a condom over this gorgeous cock/penis,” should do it. Consider the type of message you are silently passing to a casual partner if you are not bothered whether they use protection or not. Apart from pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases can be avoided through the use of protection.

Chapter 8: Phone Sex

Whether your partner lives with you or you are in a long-distance relationship, you can take advantage of technology to spice up your sex life with phone sex. Phone sex can also work for you if you don’t want to have other forms of sex with your partner just yet or if you simply want to try something new. Although the idea of having phone sex can be exciting, it may be really awkward when you actually want to try it out for the first time.

Having physical sex or even masturbating alone is a lot easier because then no one else is aware of what you are doing. But having to possibly masturbate (it’s not compulsory to do so) with another person hearing and maybe even seeing you through video requires a different level of boldness.

To make phone sex a great and sexually exciting experience, you need to give up being self-conscious and intentionally allow yourself to respond to the sounds and sight coming to you from the other end. Also, remember to have a conversation instead of a monologue. Phone sex is not a hypnotic session. Both partners should share what they are doing, imagining, and feeling.

Sex on Call

The process

Plan ahead: Spontaneity is great when it comes to sex, but sometimes you may call your partner at the wrong time. To avoid this, set a date and time that is most convenient for both of you. If you are in the mood for sex while your partner is having a bad day, calling them at that time may ruin your mood. Also, if your partner is the shy type, it may be a good idea to get their minds prepared on time before you pounce on them with your sexy talk on the phone.

Put yourself in the mood: Feeling awkward or tensed before your call will likely ruin the mood. Do what you need to do to get in the mood before the call. You can have a glass of wine, watch short porn, read a romance or porn novel, or even dancing. Dressing sexily and lying down for a while can also put you in a sexy mood. You can also dim the lights, play your favorite soft music, bring out some sex toys (if you use them), and gently caressing yourself before making the call.

Make the call: There is no one correct format for phone sex. However, once your partner is on the phone with you, it is better to start slowly. Talk about other things for a few minutes before gradually broaching the subject of sex. Make your voice soft, low, and don’t be afraid to moan. You can use heavy breathing too as long as it comes naturally. Don’t force yourself to sound sexy.

Talk about easy things: You don’t have to directly bring up sex even if both of you know the call is about sex. Ease into phone sex with simple topics that can easily spiral into hot sex. The following lines will give you an idea of how to do this.

1.  What are you wearing?

2. It’s cold here. I wish you were here.

3. This bed is just too wide for me alone.

4. I’m lying on your side of the bed and playing with my hair.

5. I wish you were right here beside me.

6. Tell me what you are doing with your hands?

7. Tell me what you would have done to me if I were there with you now.

Talk dirty: Once the mood is right, escalate into dirty talk. Since they are not physically with you, your dirty talk will have to be descriptive. Both of you can describe:

·What you are doing: give your partner a vivid description of how and where you are touching yourself, how you look, what you are playing with, and so on. You can say things such as:

1.  I’m playing with that whip you bought from an adult store for our first role play.

2. My fingers are teasing my cock as we speak.

3. I’m touching my tits and my nipples are so hard.

4. I’m playing with my undies… they are coming off soon.

5. I’m getting really wet and horny.

6. I enjoy listening to your sexy voice. It’s making me hard/wet.

7. I’m running my fingers through my hair.

8. I’m jerking off to the sound of your sexy moan.

· What you are imagining: Tell your partner something you remember from one of your great sex you had, what you would have loved to be doing with them, or what you would want them to do to you. For example:

1.  I’d like to hug you real close and feel the warmth of your soft skin.

2. I’d like to kiss your neck, lips, and tits ever so softly.

3. Remember how you took me from behind the last night we had together? Now, take me again!

4. I’m touching myself and thinking how great your hands feel all over me.

5. Touch your clit and feel my warm breath on your pussy.

6. I can imagine how rock solid your cock will be now. I want to stroke it and suck on it with my wet lips.

7. I can tell you are soaking wet. Imagine me eating out that wet pussy.

8. Put one finger in your mouth and imagine it’s my cock in there.

·How you feel: It is important to let your partner know the effect of the conversation on you. Describe how you are feeling physically and emotionally. You can moan loudly, scream (if you have to), or breathe deeply. Let go of all inhibitions and allow yourself to be fully expressed. You can say something such as:

1.  The sound of your voice is making my heart beat faster.

2. I feel like exploding when you sound like that.

3. Say that again… please. If feels so good to hear you say that.

4. You are making me quake with that moaning sound.

5. I feel like appearing right there with you.

6. I feel sexy when you call me your little girl.

7. I feel like kissing your lips now!

8. Oh my God! I’m coming!

Masturbate if you feel like it: If you choose, you can masturbate while talking with your partner and let them listen to all your moans, or you can engage in mutual masturbation. But this is completely optional. It is okay to skip it if it doesn’t feel right or appropriate. It is also important to keep in mind that phone sex may not always end in orgasm. Only one of you may climax or both of you may fail to climax and that is okay. Orgasm is not the main attraction of phone sex. However, if you have climaxed and your partner has not yet reached orgasm, don’t end the call or keep mute. Continue to describe how you feel, what you want them to do, and so on.

Finish the call: You can end the call at any time both of you choose. You must not reach orgasm before ending the call. Also, you shouldn’t end the call just because you’ve both climaxed. You can stay on the line for as long as you both choose and talk chit chat a bit.

Talk about it afterward: Don’t be shy to talk about the phone sex afterwards. You can even text them how great it felt. Compliment them either on call on through text and make them know that you are looking forward to another great phone sex. Keeping shut about it afterward may suggest that you are uncomfortable, or you feel guilty.

Sex on video call

You can take advantage of different technologies (FaceTime, Skype, Zoom, and so on) to have sex “face-to-face” over your devices. Seeing what your partner is doing, their reaction to what you are saying, and the expressions on their faces, can add to the arousal, especially for men.

To avoid frustration and disruptions that can kill the mood, make sure that your internet signal is strong enough for video calls or else simply stick to phone sex.

Sexting

Sexting is using digital messages to convey erotic intents. Thanks to technology, people can now send naughty messages back and forth without having to deal with the uneasiness that comes with saying these words face-to-face.

You can use sexting to gauge a potential partner’s openness even before dating them or having sex with them. However, sexting techniques range from subtle to direct methods. It is always a good idea to begin sexting with subtle messages that can pass as flirting. If the other person responds positively, you can then up your game to messages that puts them in a sexy mood. Finally, you can sext messages that make them want to have sex with you so badly.

Sexting can be done using text only or inserting photos, memes, emojis, and emoticons. Get creative with your messages and make them unique. The following examples are just to give you an idea of what sexts look like. It will make more impact if you adapt your sext to something you and your partner share or experience. For example, instead of just sending, “I can’t stop thinking of your sexy ass,” you can personalize it to read, “I can’t stop thinking of your sexy ass in those red yoga pants.” Or “Those pants hug your ass so tightly I feel like touching myself.”

A good sext is usually short and stimulates sexual imagination. Even when you use sexual innuendos, keep it brief. If you can make room for humor, that will be great too.

Go through the examples below and let your creative juices guide you into creating customize sext messages for your long-term partner or someone new you are trying to have sex with.

Beginner sexting examples

1.  Guess what? I’m at work thinking of you and touching myself right now.

2. Your hot ass/legs dominate my thoughts all day.

3. What part of my body is your favorite?

4. I can still feel your warm lips on my cheeks.

5. I really need you right now.

6. Can we do it in the shower tonight?

7. I’m soaking wet right now. Can you come over for a quickie?

8. Next time, I’ll lick more places on your hot body.

9. Your cock/pussy makes me go insane.

10. You went down on me and I lost all my senses.

11.  You. Me. Under the sheets… pure heaven!

12. I love how hard you gave it to me last night. Let’s make it even rougher next time.

13. I love how you take charge of my body.

14. I want you to dominate me tonight.

15.  This early morning’s quickie was delicious. Can we continue tonight?

16. I get goosebumps when I think of your hands in my pants / up my skirt.

17.  You look so sexy and innocent when you giggle.

18. I don’t feel like having my bath just yet. I love the smell of you on me.

19. Whenever you pass by, I get a boner. Can you help me fix that?

20. Let’s do something freaky tonight. Got any sexy ideas?

21. I want to have dinner off of your body tonight.

22. I need your naked body on mine right now.

23. Picture this in your mind: you and me, naked under my sheets.

24. Let’s have a mixed wrestling match tonight. No count-out or disqualifications. Don’t worry; I’ll be gentle when I slam you on the bed.

25. URGENT! Can you please help me with five synonyms for FUCK?

Advance sexting examples

1.  What crazy place should we fuck next time?

2. You have no idea how hard you make me want to fuck you.

3. Your ass is so sexy it deserves an Instagram page.

4. My dick/pussy still feels lusciously sore from yesterday’s pounding. You sure know how to handle me.

5. I can still taste your sweet cum on my lips.

6. I’ll like you to cum all over my tits tonight.

7. Come straight to bed after work. There’s a wet pussy waiting to be fucked!

8. Three things occupied my mind all day: your sumptuous boobs, succulent lips, and wet pussy!

9. Thinking of the sound you make when you cum makes me want to cum in my pants!

10. I’ll let you cum in my mouth if you let me sit on your face tonight.

Creative sexting examples

1.  A sexy surprise awaits you tonight… *insert wink emoji*

2. I’ve been thinking of your *insert peach emoji* all day.

3. I’ll love to do this tonight… *insert sex position GIF*

4. Your ass is so *insert hot/fire emoji* it makes my dick *insert raindrops/sweat droplets emoji*

5. *Insert bondage GIF* Tonight will be fun!

6. I want to *insert tongue emoji* your *insert peach emoji* right this minute.

7. Me when I saw your naked boobs last night *insert head exploding GIF*

8. *Insert eggplant emoji* Free services tonight. *insert wink emoji*

9. *Insert image of a man proposing* with a meme caption: When she says, “Cum in my mouth.”

10. *Insert an image of a breathless woman or woman fanning herself* with a meme caption: When he asks, “How would you like to be fucked tonight?”

11.  Tonight was exceptional. Thank you! *insert heart and worship hands emoji*

12. Meme caption: You: smooching my cock/tits. Me: *insert fainting image*

The Use of Photos

Although photos and images can increase sexual arousal, men are generally more visual than women. If your sexual partner is a man, they will find some of the ideas here very stimulating. That doesn’t mean women can’t be turned on by raunchy photos. However, a man needs to first set the mood right through flirting, sexting, or sexual innuendos before jumping to sharing explicit photos.

Sext with photo examples

1.  Thinking of you while I do this… *insert a photo of you masturbating or one you downloaded.* (If you use a downloaded photo, crop off the face. You want your partner to imagine you and not someone else.)

2. Stepping out of the bathtub… *insert a sexy photo of you all wet!*

3. Going shopping with absolutely nothing underneath… care to join me? *insert photo of a see-through dress*

4. I’m in bed, wearing only this… *insert photo of sexy lingerie*

5. I’m bending over the sofa where we fucked last night. Wanna see? *insert sexy photo*

6. These will greet you when you come home tonight… *insert photo of boobs*

7. *Insert photo of hot legs* Come spread them!

8. I accidentally fell into the pool just now. Please call 911. *insert photo of you or someone clothed in a wet sexy dress*

9. I keep fantasizing about this… *insert photo of erect cock*

10. Would you be so kind as to teach me how to do this… tonight? *insert porn photo of sex position*

Chapter 9: Practice

It is time to put what you’ve learned so far into practice. This chapter contains exercises designed to:

Reduce any awkward feeling beginners to dirty talk may experience.

Help you discover the types of erotic words that are most comfortable for you.

Increase your comfortability with hearing and saying gross words during foreplay and sex.

Stimulate your creativity to come up with your unique love talks and phrases.

I strongly recommend completing the first two exercises before attempting the rest in any order you choose.

Exercise 1: Build a List of “Safe Erotic Phrases”

Erotic talk can be very challenging for many people especially if you don’t know the words to use. This exercise helps you to choose “safe erotic phrases” that are not vulgar but very titillating. Choose phrases that are at your tolerance level. You and your partner don’t have to use words and phrases you both consider off-limits. You can complete this exercise alone and ask your partner to do the same or you can do it together.

1.  Get a pen and paper.

2. Make a list of phrases and words you find comfortable and sexually arousing. For example:

·    “I can’t wait to feel your hands all over my body.”

·    “I’ve been fantasizing about you inside me all day.”

·    “Touch me here on my (body part) softly.”

·    “Your (body part) feels so delicious.”

·    “Go slower/faster.”

·    “Be gentle/rough with me tonight.”

·    “Get on your knees and beg for it.”

·    “I love your (body part) when you (action).”

·    “Kiss my (body part) with your warm lips.”

·    “Keep doing that… yes, that’s the spot.”

3. Now, say them out loud to yourself and gauge your mood as you hear yourself say these words. Do they make you horny? Or do they sound repulsive? Exclude any phrase that turns you off.

4. When you are done with your list, exchange them with your partner.

Exercise 2: Make an “Off-Limits” List

Since everyone has a different view of what is offensive, it is important to let your partner know your definition of offensive. This exercise helps you and your partner know each other’s off-limits words. You need to be honest when you do this exercise. Don’t settle for a term just to make your partner happy. Setting personal boundaries is crucial for your happiness and sexual satisfaction.

1.  Begin by writing down a list of off-limits words and phrases. For example:

·    Cum, slut, fuck, cock, pussy, dick, cunt, whore, bitch, and so on.

·    Good girl, good boy, little girl, slave, daddy, prisoner, and so on.

2. You don’t have to explain why you find these phrases or words offensive (unless if you choose to). Simply let your partner know that these phrases turn you off or you find them disgusting.

3. Go through the examples of dirty talk in Chapter 5 to find more words and phrases you consider offensive. Add them to your list.

4. Exchange this list with your partner. You can send your list to your partner through text or email and get them to do the same.

Exercise 3: Working Your Way Up to “Dirty” Words

In this exercise, you will write down short phrases that you find comfortable. They don’t have to be vulgar or contain profanity at first. You are going to work your way from seemingly innocent terms to graphic terms. Here’s what to do:

1.  Get a pen and paper.

2. Write down a sensual or romantic phrase you think you can comfortably say during foreplay or sex. For example, “Let’s make love.”

3. Think of another way of saying that phrase such that it doesn’t lose its meaning and yet, not too difficult for you to say. For example, you can go from sounding romantic to using official terms. “Let’s make love” could easily become, “Let’s have sex.”

4. Now tweak the phrase a bit to sound more street-like. For example, “Let’s shag.”

5. Finally, find a graphic term that can convey the same meaning. For example, “Let’s fuck!”

You don’t have to use the graphic or vulgar term with your partner just yet. Keep on building your list of comfortable vulgar words and saying them to yourself when you are alone. You can look in the mirror while you practice. Practice switching from sensual to official-sounding terms with your partner for a while. Gradually introduce street slangs. And when you think you can use graphic words without feeling like dying, go ahead and use them with your partner.

Exercise 4: Sound and Whispers

It is easy to think that talking dirty usually means talking like a porn star – screaming profanity at the top of your voice during foreplay and sex. You don’t have to wake the kids or disturb your neighbors with your gross talks. One of the most effective ways to say these things is by softly whispering them. This exercise will help you to perfect your whispering skills to get your partner all fired up and ready to go!

1.  You will need your partner for this exercise. Get comfortable beside them.

2. Breathe in deeply and let your body relax.

3. Think of something sensual and connect with that feeling.

4. Make a low sound – moan, groan, or even a soft giggle.

5. Inhale a bit loudly and when you exhale, let the air out of your mouth with a soft moaning sound.

6. Now, softly whisper one of your practiced phrases in your partner’s ears. You don’t have to be coherent or loud. It doesn’t matter what you say, so long as you whisper it, it will sound sexier. The fainter and sexier your voice, the closer they’ll have to listen. This removes any awkwardness you may feel from hearing yourself say filthy things. And even if you get a few words wrong, it wouldn’t be so apparent since you are only whispering. The tingling sensation your partner feels in their spine as your breath and words softly caress their ears increases the sexual effects of your words.

7. You can stop when you’ve practiced this exercise for a few minutes. Laugh about it or consider it as foreplay. It is okay if things “get out of hand” during the exercise and you end up having hot, steamy sex. It only goes to show that you used your sounds and whispers effectively.

Exercise 5: Stay in Character

This exercise helps to build your sexual confidence using roleplay. You will need your partner and a timer for this exercise.

1.  Think of a character that is completely different from you in real-life. If your partner likes they can also choose a different character or simply watch your performance. For example, a naughty teacher, a vile warder, a sex-starved nurse or doctor, and so on. Whichever role you choose, your partner can play a role that goes with it. For example, teacher/student, warder/prisoner, nurse/patient or doctor/patient.

2. Set a timer for five minutes (you can increase the time when you get the hang of this).

3. Now, talk like the character you have chosen for the next five minutes or whatever time you have set. Remember to stay in character. Talk like a naughty teacher or sex-starved nurse would (or whatever role you have chosen).

4. You don’t have to screen out words that you consider offensive when playing the role of your character. After all, it is your character talking and not you. So, don’t feel shy or refrain from saying curse words or using profanity if it suits your character.

5. When your timer goes off, step out of character and ask your partner for feedback. If you both participated in the roleplay, you should also provide your partner with feedback.

6. Remember to make this exercise as fun as you can. Think of it as foreplay.

Exercise 6: Rehearse and Record

This works especially well for improving your erotic talks on the phone. For this exercise, you will need a recorder to record what you say. You can use the audio recorder on your smartphone for this.

1.  Get comfortable on your bed preferably where you will not be disturbed for about five to twenty minutes.

2. Pretend that you are talking with your partner on the phone and you want to initiate phone sex. It is helpful if you hold your phone to your ear to give you a sense of actually talking to someone on the other end.

3. Press record and begin talking. Talk and imagine that your partner is responding to what you say. Let your imagination run wild and say exactly what you feel and want. Remember, no one is watching or listening, so don’t be shy or reserved.

4. It is possible to get very aroused during this exercise. But if you feel nothing, it is still okay. The important thing is to go with the flow of your imagination and express what is on your mind as if you are actually having phone sex.

5. Stop the recording when you are done talking. Now playback your solo conversation and learn how you sound when you are not worried about what anyone thinks. This is exactly how you want to be sounding when you are having actual phone sex.

6. Also, listen to uncover areas where you think you could improve.

Exercise 7: Codify Your Sex Talk

Sometimes you may find it awkward or embarrassing to use words that are too strong, especially if you are new to the concept of using gross bedroom language. At other times, you may find that you are stuck with only a few overused or outdated phrases. To avoid these situations, it is a good idea to develop some of your own unique codes or phrases that tell your partner what you want to say without actually saying them.

To do this:

1.  Get a pen and paper.

2. Think of potential awkward statements and write them down. For example:

·    “I want to ride your cock.”

·    “Suck my hard cock while I lick your wet cunt.”

·    “I need your warm, sexy mouth around my hard dick”

3. Think of a phrase that can replace each of these potentially embarrassing words and write them beside the first statements. Using the above examples:

·    “I want to ride your cock” could become, “My turn.”

·    “Suck my hard cock while I lick your wet cunt” could become, “It’s time for my favorite thing.”

·    “I need your warm, sexy mouth around my hard dick” could become, “Please me.”

4. When you have put down as many potentially embarrassing statements as you can think of, show you partner your list and ask them to do write theirs and share with you.

5. Even when you get comfortable with talking dirty, you could turn this into a game where you both come up with different codes that are unique to two of you. You could have a sexual conversation in the presence of people without them knowing what you are up to. This is a fun way to keep your things spiced up between you.

Exercise 8: Dirty Talks Just for Fun

This exercise is great if you have a partner that is shy or not open to sex talks.

1.  Find a time and place where you are both relaxed but not necessarily in the mood for having sex.

2. Tell your partner that you want to say a few erotic phrases/words to them and need them to rate how sexy or filthy they think the phrases/words are. You can tell them to rate the statements using a scale of 0 to 10 or anything suitable.

3. Start with short “innocent” phrases and gauge their response.

4. If they don’t seem interested, don’t push them or force it. Give it a rest and bring it up at another time when they seem to be more relaxed.

5. If they seem interested, take it up a notch. You can even ask them to give you some suggestions. For example, “Would you prefer me to say ‘vagina’ or ‘pussy’?” Or “Does ‘cock’ and ‘cum’ sound too strong for you? Perhaps I should stick to ‘penis,’ what do you think?”

6. No matter the positive response you get from a shy partner, remember to always keep this exercise short. Don’t over flog it or else you may push them too hard too soon.

Extra Tips to Help a Shy Partner Open to Erotic Talk

You may have no qualms vocalizing your thoughts, feelings, and requests before, during, and after sex, but you may be stuck with a partner that is too shy to utter any word apart from occasional moans. The following tips can help them adjust and become more open to expressing themselves. Always remember that we are all different. Not everyone enjoys saying what they want or what they want to do during sex. So be patient with your partner if they are the shy type.

Encourage them to text it

You don’t have to directly ask them to text you something erotic or filthy. You could send them a text about what you intend to do with them later in the day and ask if it’s okay or they’ll like to make some adjustments. For example, “You, me, candlelight dinner, 8 pm, my place. A hot bath, and then sex in the shower. Your thoughts?”

Allowing your partner to text you back their thoughts creates room for them to loosen up and be a bit more expressive. Also, remember to keep your questions open-ended when you talk dirty to them. For example, instead of texting, “Do you like how I touch you?” text, “How do you want me to touch you?” Always find ways to let them express themselves.

In general, never forget to praise any slight improvement you notice in your partner’s attitude toward dirty talk. Your show of appreciation for their effort in breaking out of their timidity will go a long way to help them be more vocal in their sexual expressions.

Tailor it to what he or she likes

Bring up what you know your partner loves. For example, if your partner loves oral sex, tailor your erotic talk to that. You could say how much you love going down on them and how you can’t wait to do that. If your partner detests oral sex and you keep yapping about how you want them to suck or lick you, you run the risk of ruining their mood.

Kiss and whisper

Giving your partner a long kiss and softly whispering something filthy in their ears can be a massive turn on. They will look forward to hearing all the dirty things you have going on in your head.

Only say plausible things

Saying things like, “You’ve got such huge tits I get turned on each time I look at them,” when your woman has very small breasts can be a complete turnoff. First, it shows you are just reading off a script, you are acting, and you don’t mean what you are saying.

If your partner is not open to sex talks and you tell them obvious lies, they will be less inclined to engage in dirty talk. You are only making them believe that talking naughty during sex is just a charade.

Keep things natural and simple. For example, “I want your sexy body next to mine,” is a good start. It doesn’t come off as too strong, offensive, and it combines appreciation and desire. Your partner will know that you are saying what you indeed feel. And they may start thinking of saying something nice to you too even if it is just short phrases as, “Touch me,” “Take me,” “Harder,” “Go slower,” or “Right there.”

Chapter 10: Keep the Fire

Talking dirty can be awkward at first; no one becomes an expert at anything without some practice. No matter how ridiculous and stupid you think you sound the first few times you tried talking dirty to your partner or anyone, you will only get better with continued practice. And even if you get stuck at some point, the surest way to get over being tongue-tied is through repetition – that’s how to gain mastery in anything include wordplay with sex.

However, repeating the same phrases each time you are with your partner can become tiring and eventually kill your sexual excitement. The key to keeping things hot in the bedroom is innovation. Come up with new and more titillating phrases that can keep your sexual fire burning even if you have been in a monogamous relationship for a long time.

Here are a few ways you can keep your dirty talk new, fresh, and exciting.

Be playful about it

Doing something new comes with a certain level of anxiety. Being playful about it reduces that anxiety significantly. So, don’t be afraid to laugh and approach the process with lightheartedness. Even when you or your partner sound serious (“Get on your knees and beg!”), it is important to keep in mind that all that sexy, crass, gross, or passionate talk are geared toward more fun and enjoyment.

Reminisce

Sometimes you just can’t find something new to say, and that’s perfectly okay. It happens to everyone even the most verbally expressive sex mates. But instead of focusing only on new things to say, you can recall memories and describe how it felt. Using your memory is a great place to start, especially for beginners. It lessens the pressure on you to think of something that is happening or about to happen. It gives you room to simply say what has already happened using new words and you can even add wishes to the memories to make them sound hotter. For example, “I love how your tongue caressed my tits last night. I wish you could do that again.”

Taunt your partner

Teasing your partner about not letting them do something is a great way to keep the sexual fire burning. So, instead of only focusing on what you want them to do, you can mix it up with what you don’t want them to do (even if you do want it). For example, you can playfully taunt them by saying, “I’m never, ever going to let you anywhere near my mouth with that tit/cock,” “No pussy for you tonight,” or, “You can’t make me wear those sexy panties.” Doing this can increase playfulness, intimacy, and lust.

Describe what currently feels good

If you seem to have run out of dirty things to say, remember that the core of erotic talk is responding to how you feel. Simply tune into your feelings and describe how you feel to your partner. It doesn’t matter if the words you use are dirty or simply affectionate. What matters is that you are being genuine and saying exactly how you feel. When you do this, you break free from sticking to scripts and worn-out examples. Describing what you feel at the moment gives you the freedom to say what your true sexual feelings and desires are without sounding bogus.

Add a sense of urgency

Letting someone know that you want them is great; letting them know that you want them now is even hotter and sexier. Learn to include phrases such as, “I want you right now,” “I want to feel you inside me right now,” or, “I can’t wait to have you,” in your sexy talk. Sounding urgent makes your partner feel more wanted and lusted after.

Don’t be afraid to explore

Neither you nor your partner was born knowing exactly what your sexual preferences are. Allow yourself to explore your sexuality. Become curious and explore. Try different things. You are not going to like everything, but you won’t know what you like if you stick to only what you already know. With more varied sexual experiences comes an increased sex vocabulary. You never know what you may discover about yourself and your partner. So, permit yourself and your partner to explore without fear and judgment. When you are willing to push your boundaries (gradually, of course), it opens you up to a world of discoveries.

Use appropriate terminologies

If you prefer to use clinical terms for body parts (vagina, penis, breast, and so on), that’s fine. But to spice things up, consider using sexy terminologies. They work for a reason. First, you are not in your doctor’s office, and secondly, sexy terms such as dick, cock, pussy, boobs, and tits are not disrespectful but are taboo enough to get you and your partner horny. The right combinations for dirty words are “respectful” taboos – words or phrases you can’t use in front of your boss but which you can whisper to your lover.

However, if you want to avoid degrading terms, then avoid cunt, slut, whore, and bitch. In any case, if you follow the advice on setting boundaries, your partner will not have difficulties understanding what you prefer and what you don’t like. The key is to stay within your boundaries while being open to making acceptable changes that can enhance your sexual experience without discomforting you.

Bottom line

We all want more excitement out of sex. Sex in relationships doesn’t have to be silent and formal. It is okay to step out of your comfort (usually boring) zone and explore a little bit of extra fun even if you consider it to be taboo. That is exactly what creates fun and excitement – the idea that you are doing something “bad.” However, there is nothing inherently wrong is saying exactly how you feel and what you want even if they are very sexual and intimate.

No matter how conservative or modest you are, you deserve to have great sex. A little dirty talk can be the missing ingredient that can turn your entire sex life around.

Welcome to the start of your journey in spicing up your sexual encounters with dirty talk. I sure hope that you enjoy the ride (pun intended).

Conclusion

Sex is a beautiful thing! It can be more exciting if the people involved let loose and express what they want and like. It can be more attractive if the people involved are not ashamed to openly lust and feel lusted after. And it can be more beautiful if the people involved want to devour each other (not literality, of course) and are not afraid to say so!

One of the greatest and most priceless gifts you can give to yourself and your partner is your unabridged, uncensored, authentic, and fearless self. When you permit yourself to be you, you will be pleasantly surprised at the level of pleasure you can give and receive. But beyond that, you increase the chances of improving your overall relationship with your partner. Great sex can, indeed, improve the quality of your relationship, health, and even boost your self-esteem.

Remember that you don’t have to go from being extremely shy to pro overnight. Forcing yourself to talk dirty will only make you sound awkward to yourself and your partner. Take baby steps. Start with the most comfortable and easy words. Rehearse your lines as if you are going to act in a movie. Allow yourself to say those words that resound in your head. You can practice in front of a mirror if you like. Become comfortable with hearing yourself say the words before telling them to your partner.

If you falter at your first few tries, don’t throw the idea out the window. Your current mindset about sex and how it should be “performed” was developed over several years. It probably won’t change tomorrow just because you read this or any other book. So, give yourself enough time to adapt to the new approach. And remember to make it fun instead of approaching it like you would approach an examination. No one is taking a score, not even your partner. The more verbally expressive you are before, during, and after sex, the more your partner becomes freer to express themselves too. And even if you don’t get it right or if you say something ridiculous during sex, don’t be afraid to have a good laugh after the act. Laughing about dirty talks that you think are silly takes away the pressure to be politically correct with dirty words. The goal is to heighten your sexual experience, not to split hairs about the exactness of the phrases used.

If the idea of dirty talk seems too daunting for you, I suggest you begin texting, sexting, sharing photos, and then gradually move to phone sex with your partner. The idea is to build your confidence level until dirty talk comes naturally to you. And if you have a partner that is oriented to be the “hush-hush sex” type, you need to be patient with them. Don’t expect them to go from being shy one night to sounding like pro dirty talkers the next. Inserting dirty talk into regular conversations during your day can encourage your partner to let down their guard and express themselves freely.

Now, reading time is over. Get to work! Start practicing. Pick a few examples from this book or tweak them to suit your particular taste. Apply it tonight with your partner. You can even begin right now with a short, suggestive text. Go ahead, have fun!

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References

National Center for Biotechnology Information, (2005). Oxytocin, a mediator of anti-stress, well-being, social interaction, growth and healing. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15834840

Medical Daily, (2015). The science of dirty talk and why it increases sexual pleasure. Retrieved from https://www.medicaldaily.com/science-dirty-talk-and-why-it-increases-sexual-pleasure-349854

Myles, A. (2014). 10 ways to master the art of talking dirty. {Adult}. Retrieved from https://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/12/10-ways-to-master-the-art-of-talking-dirty-adult/

Rozzi, G. (2017). A (semi) scientific guide to dirty talk. Retrieved from https://www.esquire.com/lifestyle/sex/news/a40625/guide-to-dirty-talk/